His MLC and I don't know what to do anymore

[DiamondGirl]

The only thing I say really is that I miss him and our family all being and living together.

The above statement strikes me as one that will increase the guilt in a MLCer and make them run farther away each time you say it to them.

They feel guilty because they may not realize why they are running from everything they've started, they only know that something inside them tells them they have to. So by your saying that, it increases the guilt pressure.

In response to the feelings of guilt/shame they feel they will strike back so they don't have to face what they've done. That's what I think the below is all about.

Then he tells everyone that I argue too much and am miserable

What do you think someone who is trying to save face and not admit they're screwing up their lives will say? They won't say that their wife is wonderful, happy and a joy to be around... Then they would have no excuse for their actions... and MLCer always have excuses IMO.

Right now you are spinning because you are trying to make sense of actions and words that no longer jive with the man you married. But that man is on hiatus and this other guy has taken his place. And this other guy will do anything not to look in the mirror.

The only thing you can control is *your* actions, words, thoughts and feelings.

Trying to figure out someone else's is like trying to catch water with a butterfly net - futile and unrealistic.

You don't know what is going on in his head these days.. probably a good thing from what I've read.

What's going on in your head? What do you want to be going on in your head? Your daily life? Where do you want your energy focussed? Because right now you're spending a lot of it trying to catch water with a net...