To my great surprise, I'm sitting hear at after 1am in the morning feeling completely heartbroken. I don't know where this came from. I guess it's part of the normal roller coaster, but I feel so sad!
((((Awoken)))) I'm sorry to hear you had a sad night last night. Good for you, though, for putting words to it. That's hard to do, hard to acknowledge - well done. I hope your heart is feeling a little lighter today. Will be thinking of you today, and will check in to see how you're doing later. Take care, PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
To my great surprise, I'm sitting hear at after 1am in the morning feeling completely heartbroken. I don't know where this came from. I guess it's part of the normal roller coaster, but I feel so sad!
I hope that I'll just fall asleep soon, and that all will be better in the morning.
I'm so thankful for all the support I get here! I logged here, and read through my thread for all the encouragement I've received over the past seven months. I don't know how I would have survived otherwise.
The rollercoaster sucks my friend. I want OFF of it NOW. We are here for you. Be strong. Your wife is obviously projecting her blame onto you. She wanted this so bad and made those decisions and now she is seeing that it's not as *easy* as she thought it was.
I wish I were there to give you a big old hug... Keep your chin up.
We are all overanalyzers. I think this happens especially because this is all so unbelievable to us. our S's are so out of character and doing things we'd never thought they'd be capable of doing.
Hope you got some rest last night.
and Gardener! lmao about the bloomers!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Solution: When something is bothering us it is our responsiblity to bring it to the source. Learn how to ask questions in a non-threatening way and keep the dialouge about issues and behavior not personal.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Solution: When something is bothering us it is our responsiblity to bring it to the source. Learn how to ask questions in a non-threatening way and keep the dialouge about issues and behavior not personal.
Your words are so dead on and make so much sense, yet it sometimes feels so difficult to do just that without not making it personal. In my sitch, I feel so on the defense all the time...always tip toeing so I don't tick H off.
Great advice as always though. I just have to follow through and stop allowing fear to hold me back or act out in the wrong way.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
I wasn't very clear last night when I posted. Really, I had been feeling sad the entire day. I got some new information yesterday, and it didn't seem to change how I felt much, since I was already feeling a little down.
Over the past 7 months, I thought I had come to better understand the problems in my marriage; problems over the past 17 years. Yesterday, an old girlfriend from college contacted me on facebook. Even though we aren't friends on facebook, she could see my pictures there and saw that I only have pics up now of me and my kids. She gave me a call and we talked up old times. To be clear, it was all very platonic. She is in a very happy long term relationship, and sounded like she was doing very well.
She knew my wife before we got married as well, and there are a lot of mutual friends, all in the music community. After quite a bit of talking, she tells me that she thinks it's good that I'm gonna be free of my wife, and she doesn't know how I put up with all of her infidelities over the years. It turns out that, beside the affair during our first year of marriage, she knew of at least two other guys that my w had carried on long term things with. The one she knew the most details about was in 1998, and the guy eventually broke it off with my w. There was supposedly another guy a few years after that.
She sounded like this was something she felt guilty about knowing all these years, and not having done something. From what she said, many knew about these affairs including some colleagues of mine. The more I think about it, I'm angry that someone didn't tell me. I'm angry that I didn't see it myself.
Once again, I'm looking back over my past and seeing things differently. And some of it seems so obvious now. I'm feeling pretty stupid.
My wife would get very depressed, after a period of mania, and sometimes she would be so sad she would tell me "I'm a horrible wife, I treat you so bad". I would reassure her, remind her of the good stuff she does, remind that if she waited it out, she would soon feel better. I thought she was dealing with the depression side of her bi-polar. Turns out she may have been just telling me the truth.
Right now, I just don't know what to think. Or if any of it matters. I'm moving on. But it's really hard to have the past 17-18 years stolen from me this way.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Ohhhh Awoken. I'm so sorry to hear of this... I'm so shocked I don't even know what to say. Except I'm thinking about you and I thank God you're moving on from such a toxic, hurtful situation. (((((Awoken)))))
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Right when you think you're getting somewhere, it comes out of nowhere (don't I know it!)...
Use this knowledge to fuel your need to be strong and work on YOU right now.
Stop thinking about the past 17-18 years. I know that it feels like a sham, a lie. But stop it. You will drive yourself nuts piecing things together. Trust me, I've done the same. I can't look at a wedding photo or any pictures of us together during the time of his A. it makes me seethe and it makes me bitter. I am not ready for that.
You need to stop beating yourself up and stop calling yourself stupid. You are NOT stupid. She should be lucky that you are the man that you are and that you're still wanting HER stupid a$$ after all she's put you through.
Like I always say karma is the biggest b!tch of them all, so let her do her job!
HUGS!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Once again, I'm looking back over my past and seeing things differently. And some of it seems so obvious now. I'm feeling pretty stupid.
Originally Posted By: timehealsall
You need to stop beating yourself up and stop calling yourself stupid.
I actually thought it over a couple of times before I included that sentence. It's hard to put into words, but I don't feel like I'm beating myself up. I'm wonder how I made the choices that put me in a relationship like this, how it's affected my children, and how I will avoid another one in the future.
It's an important part of DBing to address your own faults, become a better you, etc. This is just putting a very different spin on what I thought has happened, and how I contributed to it.
It's a little odd to me that I'm not having a stronger reaction to it. I'm shocked, but not surprised. It deepens my sadness, but it's not changing anything. I suppose I would have rather moved on and been able to remember those "good" years. Maybe they still are good, but I'm wondering about it now.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
