Is this piecing?

[AliSuddenly]

She said to capitalize on "family" time as a way to show our "new" R. She said to show no expectations of getting back together that when he gets into telling me he's not coming back that is his way of convincing himself, if he were really sure, he'd be gone and not need to say it. So she said just listen and agree and say "I don't want the old marriage either." She said to act like really good friends. Be appreciative of his good qualities to build up his confidence again, to counteract his fear of returning. She said to never engage when he tries to bait me, certainly continue to walk away, or to sit and listen and then calmly say, "I'm not interested in going down this old path anymore." She said to laugh together, find similar interests, go back to what we fell in love with in each other originally. She said to build positive associations with being together as a family.

This sounds like excellent advice. Print it off and have it in your handbag where you can remind yourself secretly whenever yuo need to !!

Friends first. No expectations of renconciling. He left and as hard as it is, you must respect that. Be funny/have fun. This is the most important thing I think as it also equates to 'no pressure'. Lose the angst. I worked hard on being light and fun and finding shared, neutral interests (like sharing music CDs and going for bike rides) with my bf whilst we were apart and it worked.. it reminded him of the girl he fell in love with (as the DB coach told you) which for me was also a 180.. as I had become less fun during our old R and bogged down in illness and fearful behaviours.