Jeannine, Thanks so much for your support-I guess we've all been in bad spots (REALLY bad spots!)so everyone knows what it's like, and helps out when one of our own is in panic mode. Yesterday was a baddie. I'm not sure what H will do, but I have to tell you that I called him last night after I went out with my BF and he siad it would be nice if I went over there. I did, and we talked a bit-NO R TALKS! ABSOLUTELY no talk of OW. No pressure. H wanted to be intimate. WO. Unbeleiveable. It's always good, but this was GREAT! H told me he loved me twice. All this from a man that emailed me yesterday that he did not feel close to me AT ALL. I suppose this does not surprise you. From what I've read of your thread, you were very skeptical for a time. Tell me, what do you think what was the most important thing you did to turn things around? It sounds like there was OW. How long, and did he ever move out? We have a long way to go. You just don't feel that easy secure feeling in your M after you've been through this. This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to endure-I'm sure that's true for most of us. This BB is a life saver, nad I'm so grateful for people like you who take the time to help people like ME! Please fill me in on what turned things around for you, Rachael
Quote: Please fill me in on what turned things around for you
Well, let's see. I don't want to overload you here. I think we have to keep things as simple as possible. A vast amount of energy is required to break through inertia, bad habits and reactionary behavior. And lets face it, the stress caused by our situation is exhausting as well.
So, having said that... 1. I ceased all questions regarding OW. 2. I backed way off from discussing our relationship. 3. I kept my fear, insecurity and unhappiness out of the view of my H. (Okay, there were a few splippages - . We're only human afterall). 4. I explored and practiced my H's love language as often as possible. 5. I Practiced patience beyond any measure previously. 6. I learned to zip my lip and stop having the last word for the most part. 7. I practiced the fine art of doing nothing in times of doubt.
Quote: It sounds like there was OW.
Yes, there was another woman. He worked with her and she was in the picture from October of last year until the end of August of this year.
Quote: did he ever move out?
For a period of time, my H lived part time with me and part time at our other house.
Quote: This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to endure
No question about it. It is gut wrenching indeed. You are in the right place though. This bb is a powerful place and the support here is second to none.
Jeannine, Thanks for your list. It helps to see it printed out plain and simple (HARD TO DO!) and it's things I know I MUST do in order to save my M. I know there are no guarantees, but he"s hung around this long, I'm hoping he'll not give up now. You are getting FINALLY what you've longed for and that's great! I can only imagine my H doing those things right now. I've got my work cut out for me. I started last night with my full DBing armour on, and will keep the lips zipped when in doubt. The first order of business is getting him to not feel tense around me. Being able to talk to me is also a biggie. It may sound funny, but there are alot of times I just don't know what to say to him. He takes that as us not being able to talk. Where can I find things to talk about?? Did you ever have this problem? I guess I have to learn the gift of gab huh? Rachael
