2 weeks left to DB

[Piano]

Ok, so just thinking here about how my email comes across as cold, threatening and controlling. By the same token, I am not interested in fuzzy wuzzy with my WH anymore.
Would it be worth sending a "clarification" email as a follow up, which gets across these points :
- i am laying down these boundaries not to threaten, but to move things forward & to protect me and the baby, since positive communication between has been I think impossible to acheive at this juncture
- that i have been trying, perhaps sometimes in the wrong way but trying nonetheless, to create a space for dilalogue so that important exchanges about the baby could take place (including financial support and parenting input from him) and to achieve a safe environment for her to be born into. But this has also failed.
- that I will be willing to talk when a new conversation can take place, but in the absence of that it will have to be done with the help of third parties.

[lees]

I'd stand your ground Piano. Don't let him think you're apologising by clarifying anything.

You need to be strong right now. He's just having some evidence of that and needs to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Let your lawyer handle the financial and child support details with him now, and look after the 2 of you.

[Piano]

Hi Old Pilot! I am so happy to hear from you again. Yes, she's due any day now and I am ready and excited! It's me and bub from here on in & I want to get the most out of being a new mum!
I was just trying to give WH a last chance.... But he's still out there in the twilight zone with his problems and OW. Today we are better off without him!
Cesco, thanks also for your input & encouragement. Yes, I can do it alone. Reality has been terrifying. It's taken me 5 months to accept I can't change it. WH has to go on his journey, and baby and me on mine. I have to be strong and let him go.
I hope WH and I meet up again one day, even if just as friends.

[Piano]

Thanks Lees, I don't want any further communication to look like a backpeddle or an apology, but I know he will take the next opportunity to call it threatening. And I would't blame him. It was not a great email, was not subtle and didn't show me in a great light.
Should have come here for a workshop first!

[gatsby11]

Hey! I would agree-- say nothing, be dark. For now.

I think there is some sort of self-empowerment with doing what you just did. I think that's why you feel better. It will fade, though, when you start to second guess yourself. (Maybe you're there now.) And later you'll feel like you ruined everything. But you didn't. Stay consistent here for a while.

You and Bub! It's going to be so exciting and busy when the birth happens-- will you let us know within a week that it happened? What are you looking forward to most at that time?

[Cadet]

Yes you sound like you are ready and on the right path.
The only other advice I can give you, is for you. After you have the baby, sometime between 1 - 6 months you are very prone for postpartum depression. Newmamma can probably give you more updated info. It is something my wife went thru and although everyone told us about it prior, in the birthing classes, it did still catch us by surprise. Your WH is gone you understand that, so be the best MOM you can be. Take care of Yourself because you have to be healthy to give that baby all that she needs.

Yes I am waiting for a birth announcement here on DB!

[Fourleafclover]

Hi Piano,

I feel so excited for you--it's going to be a wonderful day to see your little baby. I agree with the other posters: you need to focus now on yourself and the little one. And it's great that you will have your mom there with you in the delivery room. What a great meeting: three generations of women!

Sending you hugs and good vibes! And looking forward to hearing the great news!

[Piano]

Thanks OP, I'm aware of post-natal depression... I see a psychologist at the hospital where I am giving birth and they are on the look out for that. But they seem to think I'm OK.....

FLC, yes I really like your idea of 3 gens of women. Cool!

G, thankyou for knowing how my moods work!! It's the old Piano emotional rollercoaster. Ok so 30hrs in and the self doubt is starting to creep in but I think it's because I am tired...didn't sleep past 2am this morning. Ugh.

The bit that is niggling at me in my email is the legal talk - I'm not going to have time to see my L (I have one) nor do I have any inclination to do so soon with the birth any day. I also hate the idea of using lawyers...and am now worried he might get one!!

I'm a wee upset about him telling me that I am "scared" (scared of moving on without him). I told him he couldn't be more patronising - he leaves me at my most vulnerable with a baby to raise alone with no assurance of his input, and has the gall to tell me I am not dealing with it 'bravely'.


It's those sort of comments which make me think WH has lost his marbles, or is just plain immoral and irresponsible and always was.

At these moments I should just imagine him in his silver tinfoil suit with a bike helmet on his head, cruising through the galaxy with a green monster (OW) by his side, ha!

Went to the pool today. Still hoping the little one will turn the right way

[JacT]

Pian hope you are doing ok? Hang in there..they are all aliens but not sure that makes it easier.
My H saw our 2 D's in the car last week.He was out running(buy cant hide!) and he saw them at a junction.Looked and ran on..no wave no ack nothing.His FIL said he cannot believe he does this..butnot the first time..they are crackpots in this state.
Your baby will make the world of a difference.I promise.You will then feel a love you didnt think possible..Your H is a fool and has nothing to speak of.
(((HUGS)))brave lady.

[JacT]

ps did you notice geomum hasnt posted for a while..wonder if her baby has arrived???