If she tries to negotiate to stay... Tell her the deal is the same...
1. She goes into family therapy for minimum of ONE YEAR and follows the guidance of the FT 2. No contact with OM 3. Full Transparency of all communication outlets without complaint or resistance 4. She puts 100% into the marriage 5. No sex for either of you for at least six months..
The last one is for her confidence... if you pressure her for anything physical right now she would react as if she's being raped.. her head is FULL of OM.. that's all she sees in her head right now...
NEITHER of you initiates anything physical until you BOTH are comfortable with it... And I suspect it will be over a year given how long this has been going on unchecked.
That is the deal Ken, if she does NOT accept that, then leave her in her apartment to stew and grow up... it's a time out.. she has to do it or accept the alternate agreement laid out above 1 - 5.
a. She is out in a time out in her own apartment ALONE b. She agrees to a marriage rebuilding effort laid out above under the supervision of a FT - laid out above.
Accept anything less and you do damage to your marriage and to your family.
You have to trust that she will get lonely and scared and will want to come home... She did NOT want to leave, you made that clear to all of us.. so TRUST that when she DOES leave she wont' like it and will want to come BACK
