Bad idea. The affair can only end when WH decides to end it. All the untimatiums in the world won't get you what you really want. Which is him to choose you and recommit to your marriage and family.
NM, Do you need to give him any more reminders that you are there for him if he ends his affair? Does he need a final ultimation? My feeling is it would backfire...
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
The affair can only end when WH decides to end it. All the untimatiums in the world won't get you what you really want ^^ I think Zen might be right... Ugh. Life's not fair!
U OK Newmama?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
I believe nm was just doing a 'what if' should her H request reconciliation. Ya know, what she should ask for, say, and do. I don't think she has any intention of giving an ultimatum at this time. She said she'd be gone til wed. She can respond herself but I didn't want you to worry!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Hi! I just got back and will catch up on threads when S goes to bed!
About the ultimatum- yes it was a "what if" scenario. You know I think I might have disagree about not applying pressure here...you see I was talking about if he said to me that he is thinking of reconciling and wants to, but he has not ended it with her, then how is it that much different than the limbo I was in for a year? How would he be motivated to end if I just said "I want to R if you end it." and then he goes on for months with her? and I suffer more and at this point how would he ever respect me again or believe my word if I just keep showing him that NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES I will be there? Do you get what I mean?
I know this is all hypothetical but hey, it could happen and I want to be prepared!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Yes, I see what you mean. He would have to be prepared to end A etc before even having a chance of reconciliation. But I think that he would have to feel some control over doing the actual ending...so that it felt 100% like his actions and his choice.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
