I felt very sick to hear what happened. I can never figure out how someone who was in love could deliver D papers without telling the other partner about it in advance. Why the shock value? Seems too mean and heartless.
Be calm LSG. She's been rough to you, but don't show your kids that you're not going to be out of control.
It sounds like she is cunning behind you, and she wants to rip you apart. Your going to have to do the same, maybe when the dust clears and some years later she will apologize to you if she ever comes to her senses.
For now this is someone else, and she has "code" put into her through her close and deep interaction with OM.
Your in the same place I am and many others here are. I hate that it is this way, the same as you.
Originally Posted By: Onthemountaintop
I felt very sick to hear what happened. I can never figure out how someone who was in love could deliver D papers without telling the other partner about it in advance. Why the shock value? Seems too mean and heartless.
Be calm LSG. She's been rough to you, but don't show your kids that you're not going to be out of control.
onthemountaintop, the ladies get like this due to lying, gaslighting and decieving their spouse. Also many times their social group supports the shinannigans, and perhaps the OM is having his 2 cents in there too. So over time, it is a different person - not necessarily the wife you married. We have to treat it as such, if what was our wife decides its our enemy, we have to like you said, be under control - but deal with it like someone who you cannot trust and you know is going to get over on you in every way possible. You divorce, go for as much as you can, so hopefully it falls in the middle ground of parity and fairness and you move on.
Many of us obviously have no other choice. Until I been on DB forums, I did not think this all the way through and understand what was once my wife, may be the same physical person, but perhaps their mind has changed. Sometimes if it changes enough there is nothing we can do about it. It may just not be our wife anymore.
LSG is going to have to fight to win in the divorce. She will be fighting to win. If he stays fair with her and she's fighting to win, she will get win more points than she should.
If they both fight to win and deliver a good case and everything falls the way it should, it will fall closer to the middle, which we consider "fair".
I don't have much time right now, just offering my support.
Like DLS said, and I know it doesn't help right now, but this person is NOT the wife you fell in love with. Try to keep this in mind as you consider your strategy and plan.
Thank you guys for the support. I guess I should want my M still, but I do. I know it is over, so I have to fight to win as much as possible as DLS and IDU have said. I also appreciate your comments OTMT. Your guys support is helping to make the hard decisions that I have to make now.
I do not have much time to write here today, but I wanted to say "Thank you very much."
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
W wants physical custody of the kids. She wants to provide no spousal support. She wants to take everything from me. I have to go for free legal advice tonight because I have no money to fighter her. She has $5700 in her savings somehow when I have been practically starving trying to feed the kids. I cannot believe that she is doing this. She is an evil woman. I will fight to win as everyone who has posted to me has suggested. I will do everything I can to win.
I do not want to sound like a bad person, but I was ready to compromise on somethings until I saw what she wants to do for custody of the kids. I will not compromise with her.
Anyone know attorneys that will help me in Los Angeles County. I need all the help and support possible. I was very emotional today when discussing this with people. It is terrible to go through. Sometimes I feel so alone. Please keep supporting me everyone. I need that right now.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
BTW - as a teacher, I think under morality codes for teachers and superintendants, an affair could be seen as a career issue for the latter if any 'indiscretion" was occuring at a school site.
Teachers can be held account for many public realm issues by their Teacher Association. A letter to the school board about an incident where the super was being super to a teacher at a school dance or event where students are present could lead to consequences in my province.
