I've consulted with several lawyers as early as 8 months ago, and had picked this one out. So far I've been paying by the hour rather than forking over the retainer.
Now I've gone the rest of the way.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
One thing I learned to make the retainer go further was to work with the paralegal on many of the minor details. She was $120 an hour and the L was $300 an hour.
I hope your L is not a shark, but someone who will work first with the welfare of the kids in mind.
It's only as I step back during this process that I see how badly I've let myself be gaslighted for the past X years. I've been listening to her negative views of me and her unfailing status as a victim for so long that I find it hard not to believe it myself.
But it's all bull.
This morning she went into victim mode once again - blaming me for being unreasonable and selfish and for causing mediation to break down and for throwing out money and risking the future of our kids - all because I refuse to agree to less than joint custody.
It's hard to believe she can be that one sided. She truly sees a fair arrangement that is in the best interest of the kids as being one sided and selfish on my part.
I can't even discuss it with her because she is so fixed in her opinion and locked into her own crazy belief in her status as the victim.
This morning I had to stop the argument she started and walk away. Discussing things with her reminds me of the old "War Games" quote: "The only way to win the game is not to play".
She visited her L yesterday. I called this morning and scheduled a meeting with mine.
Crazy.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
She is only throwing a tantrum because she is not getting her way. My wife has done the same things. You are right... just don't play the game with her. Let the lawyers do the talking for you.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I have struggled all morning to think of something to say that doesn't sound highly critical of your wife and can't think of anything. So, I will just say that I am sorry you are going through this. I wish she were a more reasonable person for the sake of everyone involved.
The L's are the best way to negotiate. It gives both of you a much better chance of coparenting amicably after the divorce. My XW and I have no conflicts now and life could not be much better.
