MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

SCH, LFW, Mermaid & Glamgirl - thank you for you opinions

Just had a 2 hour meeting with WH at Starbucks. Messy, messy, messy. I've been crying ever since I left there. He's been a real jerk.....

I'll start from the beginning...he came late...not like him he is usually on time. He didn't look very good, sunken face, grey complexion, circles under his eyes...he looked older.

After the first few words he was already on defensive...I was trying to validate and defuse it, but he just kept on attacking. Anything I said...we were talking only about business at that point, he turned against me.

I'm simply stating the facts, like for example that I would like him to inform me as his business partner when he goes out of town next time, so I can plan for it...blow up.

Asked him to update me on what has been happening from marketing point of view in the past 10 days while he was gone, so I can update my cash flow projections...blow up.

By asking questions like that I'm apparently accusing him that he is not working when he is with OW...btw he had nothing to report to me, he did absolutely nothing in a way of working on new business...Even the stupid marketing flyers that I keep asking for that he was supposed to print are not done.

Any statement or comment about business was turned around and used against me. I asked him why is he so defensive, that I'm really trying hard to be business like, that I need to know these things. It felt like he just came to fight. He actually apologized and said that he is really tired.

But it just got worst from there....we both started to talk about private issues and it got into R talk concerning our current situation...he kept accusing me that I'm trying to provoke him and that everything that I say is meant to make him feel guilty. I was defending myself at the same time as trying to validate...probably not a very successful mixture.

I'm planning to go away and I asked him if D could stay with him over the weekend, he said "why can't I stay at the house with her, my place is not comfortable for her to stay with me...I don't understand why you don't want me there". As I was actually thinking about the possibility, he said...I will have someone with me this weekend anyway (OW) so I can't take her but I could come to the house and work on the garden. So I told him NO and to respect my privacy and don't you dare bring her to my house (he still has a key...I will change the alarm code)

He said that he won't and that I have strange hang-ups and apparently it's not normal that I don't want him to come to the house while I'm not there.

Brought up angrily that I'm really rude by not replying to his polite e-mails, when I said that I don't want to communicate while he is with OW he told me that I have problems...

He also said that even though he lied to me before that he is now very truthful with me and hopes to regain my trust, and why don't I just get over it, it's been already six months since he told me that he wants to be with OW (in between told me 3 times that he wants to be with me), and put the past behind already and that he would like to be friendly with me but I'm not letting him. (WTH)

He just kept pushing my buttons. There were many things said from both sides. Me hurt, him defensive. At one point I had to leave to compose myself.

Later we calmed down a bit and I told him that I don't know anymore how to talk to him without him getting defensive. That I'm so careful how I say things but I'm obviously not succeeding. He said that maybe we should go see a counselor to try to deal with how to talk to each other. I said that that would be fine with me and that he could make an appointment. He said, why don't you make the appointment? I asked if he can do it that I have enough on my plate...he blew up that I'm making him feel bad, that I'm insinuating that he is not doing anything...(Dah)

Asked him what he had in mind about the Dude ranch trip. Said either you go with D or I'll go with D. I said I would like to go...wow did he looked disappointed...he was sure that I would tell him to go. I know he was really looking forward to it. Even said, I don't know if you can do it it's 7 days in the saddle, you'll be really tired, it's a difficult pack trip. I said I'll be fine...and it'll be lots of fun. HA

To recap, it's stagering to see the difference in our relating to each other between today and in the last month, when he wanted to reconcile. Last month we were able to talk about us without fighting or defensiveness, we were caring and almost loving at times towards each other. Now that he is back with OW again it has deteriorated, he sees me in negative light, is really defensive and it's really hard to talk to him.

My resolve before the meeting was to be cool and business like and to avoid any emotional interactions...didn't work.

Well there is always another day....