Don't even try to negotiate with him.. he's just pressing you for INTEL to give to your wife... He will just twist it into something different and then tell your wife HIS interpretation... Don't try to educate OM.. He's had his chance to walk away when you exposed.. he just laughed at your marriage.. nothing you say is going to inspire him or scare him.
And yes, you are getting it.. your wife will be angry, she will throw a tantrum, she will call you every name you can think of... My wife threw things, she called me names, she threatened me, she make it quite clear she FELT at the TIME that she wanted NOTHING to DO with me... that was almost two years ago when the affair was at its peak...
She's inviting me to outings now, we have dinner together, she's planting prennials in her backyard garden... She's saying and doing everythign she USED to do BEFORE OM showed his ugly face in my home.
The wife you lost DOES come back Ken, but yes you have to get UGLY and DRIVE the addiction and the OM OUT of your HOME.. she will FIGHT you VISCIOUSLY to keep him in her head and heart... just do what you have to do...
I think your kids are of an age now that you have seen similar resistance in them when they want something and YOU know that its NOT good for them right?
Do your kids agree with you and back off or do they FIGHT YOU and resist?
I know you dont' want to have to parent your wife through this, but while she's addicted she's no better at making healthy decisions for herself than a child.
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Your comments about OM to your wife make a lot more diffrence when its sarcasm yes.
I did the same thing to my wife, but I focussed on him attacking our home.
I would say something like
Look at what this man is doing to someone's home... children live here... If I did that to someone's home you would DESPISE me for it.. But HE is doing it to YOUR CHILDREN and YOUR HOME... and you LOVE him for it?
If you care about your home and family here then PROTECT them like I AM and tell him to GO AWAY... He's not a MAN, he's a PREDATOR and TRESPASSING in OUR HOME and THREATENING YOUR FAMILY.. ACT like a MOTHER and SEND HIM AWAY!!!
That may hit home with her.. It worked for me at least... If you keep up your current pressure you will gradually wake her up.. but you cannot BACK DOWN... NEVER BACK DOWN... she is going to threaten to leave, to take the kids, to call lawyers, she will threaten to make your life miserable.
SHe has no leverage Ken.. you just have to belive that she's BLUFFING you and won't follow through... and to be honest as I said it doesn't sound like she CAN... she hasn't even spoken to a lawyer or done any research.. she's too busy on the PHONE with OM...
She will come around Ken.. OM sounds way too flighty and unreliable anyways... once she realizes he isnt' trustworthy she will come crawling back...
