The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

FIBS, I forget, what is the Gray book you are speaking of.

STBXW was 10 minutes late, which is on time for her.

She brought in the college accounts. Apparently, they can't be switched so they are mine. It means I'll have to agree to split them with her in case the girls don't go to college -- they revert back to me in that case.

No chance of that. They are going to college.

Anyway, she urged me to call TODAY to halt the automatic investment from her checking account. She doesn't have $200 to cover it.

So I did it. My sister had been saving money for the girls' college and she's going to send it to me to invest in these accounts so I get the tax break from the state.

Unfortunately, I'll only be able to put money in after weekends I work running races. It's too tight without that extra money. I work 10 of those a year so that's just $250 each a year I'll be putting in. Hopefully in two years I'll have the big credit card taken care of and then I can go back to monthly investments.

In any case, this divorce is going to seriously depress the amount of money they'll have when college comes. Right now, D7 has $5,900 for college and D11 has $8,650. They also have about $10k in a custodial account that we'll have to figure out what to do with.

[awest1217]

That is still more than most students have in their accounts. They are lucky that you are trying to save that money and that you are in charge of the account because STBXW sounds like my mom who used all my money. You are doing great saving for them and honestly any little bit will help. Maybe you can use the idea that my brother told me he is going to do. Save enough to pay for the last 2 years of schooling when it is most expensive and hardest that way if the girls don't know what they want to do or have "too much fun" they are paying at that time. When they are doing internships and really studying hard, then you will pay. Just an idea if you can't pay for everything.

Remember to stay positive. This does completely stink, but it could be worse so just remember although it hurts, in the D, you are one of the lucky ones.

[ClingingToHope]

Awest, that is an excellent idea. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Big detachment hurdle this morning.

Last night I met the singles group at a downtown restaurant. I sat next to a 35-year-old guidance counselor at a careers college in town. She got divorced four years ago. So we talked for a long time. And a 31-year-old banking employee sat to my right. I've talked to her at a couple of the singles weekly meetings. She's losing her job because the bank she works for was acquired and I've reached out to a couple of banking execs I know to see if there are openings for her. And I talked to her for a while.

I've only been involved with this group for two months, but it's going to be fun. They do a ski trip in the winter, a scavenger hunt, get together a couple of times a month during the summer.

Plus I have my normal friends and friends through work.

I woke up this morning just not worried about things. I had a very good time last night. I'm doing well on my financial plan. The D settlement is going to get me out of some debt. I'm OK on the tax stuff and I even have a plan if the banks come after us on the deficiency if the house sells as a short sale.

By almost any measure I'm thriving.

I was thinking about that after picking up D11 and taking her to school. There's no reason for me to avoid STBXW or her family. I will be fine.

[ClingingToHope]

Quick update:

Talked with IRS yesterday. This is the beginning of a two-year mess. Oh well.

D7 was walking with after school sitter in the park and got bit by a dog. So I came home from work. It wasn't too bad but she was bleeding. It took a while to get STBXW on the phone. She wanted to take her to the clinic so we met there.

She stayed with D7 and D11 and I headed back to apartment so she could finish her homework. STBXW dropped D7 off later. No rabies shot but D7 has to take some medicine for a couple of days.

Had a quiet, uneventful night. Homework got done. Put them to sleep. Got an email from STBXW about signing some other tax stuff. I'll do that today.

On way to school this morning D11 told me that STBXW bounced some checks because of a credit card thing ... and I told her I doubted STBXW wanted her to talk to me about it.

D11 said she thinks the house will be going on the market soon. I didn't say anything ... and I didn't feel anything either.

The taxes and the house are going to tie me financially to STBXW and I don't want those ties anymore. She's a financial Titanic and I don't want to be towed under.

STBXW looked awful yesterday. She's putting on more weight and just looks stressed.

She's never been one to handle things well.

On way back from school heading to work I passed STBXW as she was pulling on to the main street to go to work. I didn't wave or anything. I did look at the clock. It was 8:15. She's supposed to be at work at 8:15.

I'm at work and nearing the end of a couple of big projects. The motivation is coming back slowly but surely.

Tonight I pack and take off for Galena to work a running race. The weather is supposed to be great. Things are getting better and better.

[ClingingToHope]

In Galena today to work the Galena triathlon. Small down note from last night's singles group. The founders of the group are splitting off and starting new ones. One got married and doesn't feel like she belongs in a singles group. The other wants to start a women only group -- she's in a relationship as well.

Oh well. At least there's a full summer of activities planned. I'll make several and then by August readjust.

Who knows where I'll be by August.

[ClingingToHope]

Back from working a triathlon. Went from cold and rainy yesterday to hot and sunny today and I'm sunburned.

I have a new motivation for these weekend jobs. It can be hard to commit to them when they are open. Last year I really, really needed the money and I still do. Still, sometimes I feel like I'm working my life away.

The new motivation though is each time I work one I have enough money left over after bills to contribute to their college funds. So that's what I kept thinking to myself as I picked up barricades and traffic cones.

Nice thing about the Saturday races is you get back in time to do something. I'm heading to a friend's birthday party and then perhaps something later.

My sister also sent down $2,000 that she's been saving for my daughters' college funds. I'll put that in on Monday. That puts D11 near $10K and D7 near $8K. They'll get there.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, you're a great dad, a good man and was most likely a good husband too (even if she didn't say/think so).

$10k and $8k for the DD's sounds great, see things will turn out fine.

Also, don't look at it as if you're working your life away...you're doing things, meeting people, helping people and most importantly taking care of your family. Make sure you reward yourself every now and then for doing such a great job.

[ClingingToHope]

I just spent a strange couple of hours -- or really 30 minutes.

W calls just before church and puts D7 on the phone. D7 wants to go swimming at my uncle's house. And she wanted to know if the pool was open. I said I'd check after church.

I checked before getting to church and it was ready -- just really cold. So I call STBXW and tell her I can meet them there at 1 p.m.

At 1 p.m. she brings them to my uncle's (I walked) and asks if they can stay while she finishes mowing the yard. Sure. It's a huge yard and hilly and it was really hot and I'd rather be swimming than mowing it.

So the girls and I are swimming for a long time when STBXW comes back over. She's all sweaty and she just sits down at the pool while we continue to swim and play.

We spent at least another 30 minutes swimming while she just watched us. If she tried to talk to me I don't know because I wear ear plugs when swimming -- I always got lots of ear infections as a kid.

Finally, the girls get all excited because they hear an ice cream truck and they pack up and take off after it with a couple of shouted goodbyes.

I avoided all eye contact with STBXW and just played like she wasn't there. I'm still not acting "natural" around her. That still feels like cake eating. But at least the girls got to spend 30 minutes with their parents together.

It wasn't my weekend and I got 30 minutes with them. That's a bonus. In that time, STBXW got to sit there and watch. Was there doubt running through her head? Did she remember all the summers at pools or beaches where it was the four of us having a good time?

Who knows. My financial plan is working. I looked good today (working for two days lifting barricades always helps). And the girls had a great time with me.

Really, it couldn't have gone better. Now I'm resting for a bit before heading into work for a while. I have to catch up on a project.

[ClingingToHope]

I struggled with this tonight. After spending time together swimming and remembering how much STBXW is struggling financially, I wondered if she was rethinking things at all.

This is stupid. I'm likely to receive more on the D this week. She's never made ANY indication since last September that she's second guessing herself at all.

Still. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it.

[awest1217]

It is good that you keep getting extra time with the girls. Enjoy it because I think that STBXW is starting to realize more and more that she needs you to be flexible, which helps your case at the D.