....His depression seemed to go away over night. I feel like I must've been the cause.
...It's taking all my willpower not to smash his beloved ipod to bits, and I haven't even found anything.
...I really feel like he is a coward, selfish and a child. A coward because he never had the guts to tell me he had a change of heart, instead I spent months and months trying to drag the truth out of him. That way he doesn't have to be the bad guy.
...He's selfish because he wants me to stay in his life as a friend. I feel like he would be really hurt to lose our friendship. This is why he denies talking to suspected OW, because for him to tell the truth about it would be to risk not having me in his life at all. Again, cowardly.
...I can't see his face because then I just miss him and forget what a worthless man he is.
....Any thoughts?
Yes I do have some thoughts and they will be a little blunt. In addtion to lots of pain, I am reading posts where pain has been transformed into anger and possibly contempt.
My suggestion would be figure out how to work through your anger and reach forgiveness and then respect. If you can, you will be a much happier person.
Can you find joy in the fact that someone you use to care about is no longer depressed and have found a joy in life again?
Earlier posts (if I remember correctly) indicated that his not willingness to interact with life (i.e. his depression) were part of what you felt were a big part of your relationship problem.
I am reminded about a lesson I learn regarding change from an artisitc review of Japaneese samouri movies. In order to have a super hero, one must first have a super vilian. The lesson was that when a person wants to rationalize changing a significant relationship (job, significant other, friend, etc.), sometimes the easiest way is to demonize that "other." That makes letting go easier.
You might want to reflect on your anger and attitude toward your husband and then figure out if it is time for the two of you to part ways. If it is, then I strongly urge you to forgive him and part as friends. If it is not time to divorce, then fogive him and rebuild the relationship. He knows you and you are probably sending strong body language signals that you are angry at him and hold him in contempt. Such feelings are hard to miss with most people.
According to John Gottman, who is an expert on predicting divorce, one of the pricipal causes of divorce is "contempt" for one's partner. He views that as one of the strongest predictors of divorce.
Good luck to you and may you find the happiness you desire.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
