There are definitely those certain times of the month, when you know you just need to sit back and not act on your emotions - this is probably one of them. All your arguments are completely correct, but I think you're right in waiting until next week to write the email.
I don't think you should ever give up on your M no matter what anyone else says until YOU are ready to - it's still your life and your decisions, and you'll have to live with the reprocussions, not anyone else (except S). I think on this site, most of us give it our all until we get the results we want or until we just can't fight it anymore. And moving on doesn't mean we are a failure either - it just means that we fought the good fight for as long as we could emotionally and physically and the other person still refuses to work on the M. So going back, if you're seeing small signs of change and aren't ready to D, then don't! Ultimately you must decide for yourself what is best for you (and S) and your sitch.
On the other hand, don't be so hard on yourself. If H is looking for you to try, you have been trying for a very long time, so I don't know what else he expects. If you feel there has been a change in H where he needs you to try again now, then that would make sense. But just don't hold on too tightly to a comment he made last year, especially after you've spent this whole last year since then trying. Just a thought.
Your question about can your R ever be a healthy R. If both parties are willing to work on the R, then I don't see why not. I think this is just all really hard on you b/c he comes off as trying to be open about his feelings ("I love yous" etc) but really, he has bottled up his true emotions so that you don't truely know what he wants or what he is feeling. Very confusing! You're going to have to try to peel the onion (got to love Shrek! =P) and see what's inside. Maybe start your email today to get out your immediate emotions and over the next week, fine tune it, so it says exactly what you want it to. But like Kalni said before, do it for yourself (and hope that it can get thru to him), but don't expect him to take action b/c of it.
Well, I hope today is going better for you and that you are feeling better as well!
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
