WAH and LBW separated and dark

[Coach]

i want him to want to hug me again.

How would you need to be and what would you need to do to have that?

[theGoodGirl]

i have to be warm, welcoming.
i have to smile.
i have to look cute at all times. summer is around the corner so i can show a bit of skin.

is that a good start?

i feel better though. letting it out in writing really helped. my ic says writing it out will help me release my anger. last night, i sat on my couch with my journal and i had nothing to write. i had written it all out in my posts earlier. that's when i knew. i will be okay.

thanks for letting me vent. it was a lot to absorb and the fact that it happened on a friday wasn't good. it gave me too much to think about on the weekend. it all came rushing back and i kept thinking about all the times where there were signs.

GG

[Coach]

YES! Be warm and welcoming, be beaming, be cute, be flirty, be mysterious, interesting, funny, smart and be happy. Be yourself. That will be attractive.

That's a win-win solution.

So where are you on delivering the cupcakes?

[theGoodGirl]

the class doesn't start until June!

his b-day is in Nov.
i want to make cupcakes with the logo of his favorite sports team for his b-day.
the fondant course is course 3.
i'll be taking the courses throughout summer.
i'll be signing up for tennis lessons to combat all the cake i'll be consuming ..

[Coach]

whats a reason to see him face to face?

[theGoodGirl]

whats a reason to see him face to face?

there isn't really a reason.

the only thing i need to contact him about is to reimburse me for my dental work. i went to the dentist the other day. bill was $220. i paid with my credit card and the insurance company will reimburse h because it's his dental plan. i haven't asked for the money back yet. but i don't want the reason for me to see him is to get money. this also doesn't have to be done face to face. he'd just leave it with security and have me pick it up.

other than that. we are leading separate lives. he's made no effort to contact me. and i've made no effort to contact him. heck, i don't even acknowledge him when he says hello.

[Coach]

there isn't really a reason.

cupcakes

[theGoodGirl]

coach.
thank you for introducing me to the stockdale paradox.

while i sit here, being swallowed by my paranoia and anxiety. i found jim collins site.

i listened to the audio clip "the moment you begin to think of yourself as great, you've lost it."

and i think i am starting to understand.

when you asked me what my strengths and why my h fell in love with me. this is how i really wanted to answer you:

i am smart, people are drawn to me because i am caring and considerate by nature. i am a guy's girl who loves sports (watching & playing), can kick your butt at trivia, and understands how a manual tranny works. i have a good sense of style (high maintenance?). people confide in me a lot because i am trustworthy. for some reason, my opinion matters to them. i am a friend to the end and you want me on your side.

i've always had a lot of male friends. despite being a guy's girl, i never thought anybody liked me as more than a friend. h pointed out to me that guys on the street would give me the once-over or do a double take when i walked by. i never noticed. i never thought i was that great.

on the flipside, when i start talking about h, i change my tone. i talk like i'm the best thing he ever had and that he's stupid to want me out of his life.

what's the point i'm trying to get at?

when you begin to think of yourself as 'great', you've lost it.

that's the diff between the two scenarios. i never thought i was great when i was around my male friends. i was just one of the guys.

when i talk about my h, i thought of myself as 'great'. so i've lost it.

my goals ..
i want to be in constant pursuit of greatness.
i have faith that i will be okay in the end.
face the brutal facts of reality now.

i don't have my h.
i am living alone and i am doing just fine.
i will be free from the shackles of this anger. maybe not now. but i have faith i can overcome this.
i will own my own home one day - complete with a six burner gas stove.
i will do it one step at a time.
because once you've begin to think of yourself as 'great'. you've lost it.

thanks coach.

GG

[Coach]

Yep, you got lost in the marriage. Be yourself again. The key to not getting lost again is healthy boundaries and the tools to enforce them.

Nothing wrong with who you are. It's a journey GG.

Cheers

[Forrest Gump]

"and understands how a manual tranny works."

This.. I want to hear. How does a manual tranny work? All the guys I have ever worked with have never used the word "tranny".

I jammed that tranny in 2nd.. and he never knew what hit him. So long sucker!

Yea.. it does not work! I am a little offended.

"Yep, you got lost in the marriage. Be yourself again. The key to not getting lost again is healthy boundaries and the tools to enforce them."

Tools.. I know.

I know how they work.. and when they are broke.

When you use a tool everyday.. it becomes important that they last. They help you work. They help you "get things done". If you have the right tool.. for the right job.. it is so much easier.

Thing about "tools".. we walk thru life with what "someone" gave us. No one ever explains the value of a "tool". We have to figure it out. Problem is.. the "tools" we had.. were used.

So.. how can a used and "broken" tool.. hold up and makes us work better?

We look at the broken tool.

Is there an upgrade?

Or.. does this tool still work?

That is the question!

"the problem with me is that when i start thinking about the past, i end up going in circles wondering why i can't get out of this mess or why i can't move forward."

You don't wanna spend the time or the money. Those "tools" feel good. Look how far they got you. You can muddle thru. You have experience with your tools.

Wait.. "someone" just showed up in the bay next to you. They have a "tranny" tool too. Oh snap.. "someones" tools are newer than yours.

What now?

Did I mention that I want you to test your "statement's"?

If not.. I am sorry. It was not intentional.

So...

"1. hey .. i see you got a hair cut. looks good. how are your folks doing?"

This.. is pretty good. I think it would be most effective if you try it out in front of a barber shop. Try it both ways.

How you wrote it.

And.. Like this..

(random guy exits barber shop. You throw on a big smile. He for some reason thinks he knows you)

Hey you.. nice haircut! Looks good!

How how are your folks doing?

----------------------------------

That could work.

Now we can continue down this sarcastic path of mine.. but I suspect that will not be productive.

It stops here.

Let me be clear.. the way you are approaching "this" is just not going to work.

I wanna see you focused.. I want to see you with your mind in the game.

I need for you to give me some real thoughts on how to talk to your H. I don't care what his LL is. This is a statement of what you want. I don't want him to react. I want him to stand there not knowing what to say. Jaw on the ground.. questioning everything he ever thought about you.

I saw the post on you live in the same building.

And all the other stuff.

For now.. put your energy into making a statement.

Talk at me if you need to.

Again.. I am not good at what Coach/Laura are good at.

I will assure you that neither of them will be offended if you talk at me. This is a group effort. I know Coach.. and have read most everything he has posted. Don't know Laura much.. but she seems to catch on fast.

At the very least.. I am outnumbered.. I am the "crazy guy" and they are the "normal" ones.

Again.. I will assure you they will keep me "in line".

Our goal is the same.. we just talk.. in many different ways.

So.. how bout that tranny explanation?