The woman was supposed to have gotten all her things out his apt. Remember they werent living together. He told me Sat she was sneaking in and out late at night and early in the morning so she woulnt bump into his dad. Once that his dad was on vacation they got brave and that's when she bumped into his sister. So she was "fine" with being kept secret BUT she left all sorts of sample bottles in his bathroom. Molton Brown bath lotions etc, things he didnt recognise they were hers when I told him and seemed surprised. She did it on purpose, I am sure of that. I wonder if she still has his keys...
Anyway, the thing that made me feel better was that she accepted him trying to reconcile with me last year and she accepted becoming the OW AGAIN. That seemed very pathetic to me. She must have been very desperate...
Anyway, I wonder if he will try to talk when he comes. K
BTW, he told me they went on a ...3 day vacation (!!) in summer 2008 because he used his off time to go with the kids. I bet that was something she didnt like much... Maybe that was part of the reason he said something shifted during his vacation with the kids that year and he wanted to come home...
He also told me her parents are divorced (my comment was:I bet she told you how great it was being a kid of a broken family), that he had gone to the hosue she lived with her mom and sister a few times and that she had driven him home one night and he made her drop him off 2 streets away... He told me when he saw her playing with our son, he got furious but in her email she didnt seem like she was apologising or anything, she said "I bet you could see how happy I was to offer him some play time and to take care of him" as if she had done a great job and was proud of herself...
So yes, some things are hurting but I do get a clearer head from answers that bothered me for a while trying to figure out the logistics of their A...
Hi!! Wow.. he said he loved you ? Twice !? He never says that you told us! I'm so glad !
Quote:
He said he loves me and not only he knows what we are up against but he also WANTS to deal with it for good. He doenst want to run or "shut me up". He said he wonders if talking about it creates deeper wounds than healing, brings hartred and resentment but that he will keep doing what I tell him I want. He said he loves me and wants us to live happy together with no triggers, bitterness and hard feelings.
Thats amazing. Amazing! I was thinking today, its not common that a WAS comes back and theres still a M there to come back to. But some A's last for several years after the D and some A's end but the H sadly still doesnt want to reconcile. There are plenty of examples of both here, but your H ended his A and even after all that time 'away' from you , his love is as stong or stronger than ever.
Well done for getting more details, sounds like it was reassuring to you. Ant Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
It sounds like H is really trying to help you and reassuring you. I can imagine how hard this is as when I went to Chicago this weekend, I remembered H and OW being there this fall and it just really upset me because we never did that stuff. Now we aren't together really, but if he did ever come home and I just imagine feeling just like you do. Hang in there. You are doing so great. It really sounds like H wants this to work so try just talking to him and letting him know what you want or need, when you do know because it really sounds like he wants to help you the best he can.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Hey Maria, I have not been on here for a while and just caught up. I don't really think that I am as soft as some others are and perhaps you got tired of my rhetoric. I remember way back when we used to communicate more that I suggested that you seek some help on your own. I had a feeling that regardless of what you ask for (new car, removing stuff from his apt., etc.), that there will be something else. I have no experience with this or at least not the way you do. I remember when I accepted to get back together or piece, I was in it for the future....not the past. It did not work out for me but I was not going to let her transgressions get to me. I was trying to rebuild something. Please do not give me the analogy regarding solid foundations to rebuild. Otherwise, I will have to say that you are part of that foundation and you need some mending. Mending that in my opinion can only be fixed by a professional, never mind him and especially her. Concentrate on you. Take the time that he will be away during the world cup to really work on Kalni. When he comes back make sure he finds a Maria who has put the OW away (not literally of course)... That was my simplistic suggestion then and sadly it is my suggestion today. I apologize if it is not filled with the type of encouragement that others are better at than I am. I may be rough around the edges but there is nothing that I would like more than to see you happy.
I still align with john on his outlook. I think that stating he loves you and that wants to stay in the marriage is all positive of course. There is still much work to do and, still, a lot of it rests on HIS shoulders.
I agree with john in that a professional is needed here to help you both fill in all the cracks with cement. A marriage that has suffered from infidelity , to me, is like your favorite coffee mug that had the handle broken off and re-glued on. You must get the best glue to reattach the handle or your future cup of coffee is going to land in your lap and burn you. It's simply a fact....a statistic.
We know in medicine that a woman who has breast cancer in one breast, has an increased chance of developing cancer in the other breast. So, we keep that woman on biannual surveillance. We also know that a person who has cheated has a higher risk of cheating again.
Pessimist? No, not me. I"ve been where you are. I think it just needs a maximal effort to make sure the handle stays on.
Do they have Retrouvaille in Greece?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Thinking of your life should be as a pie chart. 70% should be focused on the present. 20% should be focused on the future. And 10% should look back on the past for things to learn from.
A little Kung Fu philosophy...
If one dwells on the past, then one robs the present. But if a person ignores the past, they may rob the future. The seeds of our destiny are nurtured by the roots of our past.
Dont forget the words on John Wayne's gravestone...
Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
xxx