EDITED - ADVERTISING is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.
Quote:
Without knowing your W, it's hard to say what will bring her out. This is hard to hear, but it may be a statement from you - not threatening, but honest- about what you can and can't live with any longer. Have you read the Dance of Communication (I think that's the title) by Harriet Lerner? She talks about difficult discussions and "finding and communicating your bottom line" in a non-threatening way to a loved one. I would read that chapter first. Can't type too much today, but I think you'll find it helpful. Honestly, what woke me up was my H telling me he wanted a D. Sadly, that's what it took, and it may still be too late. If you're like my H and act pretty ok most of the time, she may tell herself you're not THAT unhappy- after all, if you were, wouldn't you have already left? Wouldn't you be angry all the time? And you're not, so what conclusion does she draw if it fits in her world? I'm not saying you should be angry or leave, just that she is drawing conclusions you need to bust for her by finding a way to get through.
Yup, yup, yup. We still go through this cycle of me working hard to bury my resentments and speak to her in her LL's. She gets comfortable with it, thinks everything is great even though my needs aren't getting met, then when it all comes rushing back to me I crash and she's left bewildered because she thought everything was going great. I sometimes feel like Bill Murray in groundhog day. This time around though it is different, we don't seem to be breaking out of it instead there seems to be a lot of seething resentment and anger, but she still won't talk to me about it. I get the feeling she's done with us but is afraid to say or do anything about it.
Quote:
I still am not 100% sure why I felt so uncomfortable for a while, or pressured. But I did- the pressure was there all the time b/c I did at some level know what he wanted and that for whatever reason I wasn't ready to give it to him, but that dread was always hanging over my head and it made it much harder to make a stab at it in any way...
