Better Days

[ImprovedRomeo]

I take the Melatonin supplement once in a while but I've pretty much stopped worrying about my 3-4hr sleep that I get. And the less I worry about it the better I seem to be getting. I wake up several times during the night and the same ole thoughts are haunting me whether I stay awake or snooze in and out.

I have been working out every other day or two, just at home...P90x style (though not exactly) and taking some protein shakes + good multi-vitamins and so far I can carry on with my busy day without feeling physically exhausted (i do but around 9pm and it's time for me to hit the sack anyway).

It's just not good all around.

If you're referring to how she's feeling then I hate to say it but I think it *is* good. She needs to feel the consequences of what she's done. You're in no way obligated to help her emotionally or otherwise at this point, she lost that right when she forced you to D her...sorry I'm trying to get you to think about this guilt. She didn't have any remorse when you were in a turmoil, when the kids future was at stake, when she was so sure her life would be better without you. Well this is the day you were both looking forward and how the roles change. She thought things would be rosy the minute after D is finalized. This is what she was looking forward to. Where as you were in pain thinking and worrying about whether you'll survive the D or not and how you'll carry on after it. Well guess what? you're fine, you're stronger than ever, you'll carry on just fine the worst is behind you. Her...well she needs to wake up and see the reality. She needs to feel the devastation she created.

Sorry...my emotions are taking over here because that's how I see my situation ending too. Right now my STBX won't listen to any rhyme or reason because she's so sure of her life 2.0 where as I can see and feel the consequences from here. Like I said elsewhere this is like some one chopping your arm off...we're in excrutiating pain which will eventually subside but damn we'll still have that emotional scar from being crippled and it's even more true for the kids. So please, don't feel guilty or think that now it's somehow your responsibility to make her feel better.

If she's a real caring person underneath she will need to come clean, appologize profusely for her actions and hand you the control back to help fix this mess but until that happens you must seek out your new life with the kids...without her.

I hope you guys hit me with the 4x4s when I'm talking silly like G