So, 1 day before the next mediation session. I've been working to collect all of the calculations, budgets, documents etc that I had as homework from our last meeting...
...and she hasn't even started yet.
...and then she asks if we should just cancel because "there's just so much else going on..."
uhhh...NO!
She's not changing her mind. She just doesn't want to face the realities or do the work that goes along with it.
Frustrating!
I guess it's no surprise that after making me do all the work IN the marriage, and then making me do all the work ON the marriage, she's now making me do all the work to get OUT of the marriage.
Last edited by Thinker; 05/13/1003:59 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I guess it's no surprise that after making me do all the work IN the marriage, and then making me do all the work ON the marriage, she's now making me do all the work to get OUT of the marriage.
Unfortunately, sadly well put.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Well, it is now looking like the Thinker vs. Mrs. Thinker mediation is going nowhere and is about to crash and burn.
So far we have fundamentally managed to agree on NOTHING except that we are getting divorced and are going to have to sell the house.
The core sticking point - Custody. I'm not backing down from full joint custody (no way, no how, I'll take that to court), and she refuses to discuss anything except "every other weekend and one evening a week"
Her argument..."I'm the mother" (yea, and I'm the father, so get over it)
She refuses to have any discussion on the topic - just clams up and sits there.
The only thing she wants to agree on is that we are going to have a "transition period" where she remains the full time stay at home mom and the kids live with her. Her definition of a "transition period" is 3 or more years! I am refusing. My stance is that we make the transition when we move out of the house.
She's also balking on any sort of employment for her. She's currently employed part time and working a large number of hours (supported by me) on her own startup business, but she is refusing to commit to having any income from either of those sources because "the kids need her as a full time mom" (Yes, I know - contradictory)
In parallel with mediation, we were attending joint C sessions to work out how we were going to coparent going forward. Yesterday she pulled out of those sessions because (in her words) she "just can't stand to be near me any more"
Basically, she does not want to have any more discussions regarding the terms of divorce with me, especially not with a rational 3rd party observer in the room.
Time to batten down the hatches. I just asked my L to send me the final retainer agreement.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Yes, my wife did the same thing. In the end she had more money than I do so I decided to settle out of court. I ended up with every other weekend plus one overnight during the week plus one night a week of visitation for 2 hours. I just could not bare going to court and possibly losing more than what I already have. Call me weak or whatever but I do not and did not have the cash to drag it out any longer. My state is "pro mother" too. So I cut my loses and ended the fight.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Let your L work for you now. It is futile for you to try and negotiate with your wife the way she is now (illogical and selfish). You are doing the right thing by spending the big bucks so as to get equal parenting time. It is what is best for the kids most of the time.
I went through a similar thing and ended up getting a superb lawyer who filed with me as the petitioner in the D. I believe that being on the offensive gave me better negotiating power even though she was very angry. I was then able to have her agree to a 50/50 shared parenting plan that we signed off on pretty quick. And, by my taking a stronger stance to protect myself and the kids best interest (equal time with both parents), it caused her to rethink some about our marriage. She noticed a change in me - I was not a pushover whimp. She was then on the fence for many months before I realized that I would not want her back and I finally had my L complete the financial negotiations with her L and the D was finalized.
Sorry, I did not realise that you didn't have a L yet. I got a L right from the start and that is probably the only way I ended up with an overnight in the middle of the week. The mediation was court ordered before we could go to court. What a waste of money!
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
