MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

Thank you my friends....you've given me lots of reasons to think about this again and my motives.

I know that I'm not responsible for his affairs, It's a fault in him, he is weak and emotionally immature and in some ways broken to do this to me and to himself. Will he ever fix it? I don't know? Am I his "fixer" trying to compensate for his faults and suffer through his selfish actions...yes I'm.

Am I afraid that by going dark will push him away? Yes. I do behave like his mommy, don't I.

Did my holding on to him and showing him love work in the first affair? Yes it did...maybe that's why I'm inclined to repeat the same pattern...If I show him that I'm the rock, the one he can relay on, the one that loves him no matter what he will come back again.

In the first affair 20 years ago he made me totally believe that it was my fault and when he came back it was never talked about...the whole thing was just swept under the rug. I was young and stupid, I didn't know any better. That's probably where the mistake was, lessons that needed to be learned were never learned from that. He obviously still believes that instead of talking to me if he has a problem he has the right to go to another woman.

I will have to think much more about this...in the mean while I'll take your advice and stay dim.

He is back in town and we have a meeting at a coffee shop this morning. I called it since I need to discuss some pressing business and personal issues.

I don't know If anyone can offer any advice on this.
We need to talk about the trip to the dude ranch that we were supposed to take as a family, the booking needs to be finalized. He emailed me about it last week.

Do I assume that I'm not going and that he will take it with D? Or do I assume that we are all going and H & I will have separate sleeping arrangements. I was looking forward to going....What do you think?