I had a good Mother's Day with my Kids....and my Mom
H cooked breakfast for me and the kids that morning...he spend the day saturday fixing my garden for me. Gave me a card from him and the kids. Then yesterday he gave me a computer program I had been wanting for work...he tried to get it the weekend but couldnt.
We went to visit his stepmom and her mother on Sunday, but neither was home...we left their gifts...we called and left messages....still havent heard back from them. He was upset about it. I dont blame him. Evidently they all went out of town with his half sister and didnt tell him they wouldnt be home. He was highly ticked off about it! Then he tried to call his real mom and both of her numbers had been disconnected...she lives in another state, so we couldnt see her and now have no idea how to reach her. I hate that he really doesnt have a great mom to share this day with. He hasnt talked with is real mom in over a year. Its to the point that I wonder if she is still alive?
Well, I am waiting on H to get here. He is off today and is helping me at work with a few things. Things are going good. He had therapy yesterday...all he said was that it went good.
I asked yesterday if he would go to the clerks office to see about filling paperwork about stopping child support....He wants me to do it....Im thinking he is a little embarrassed to do it. He knows the clerk of court and Im sure he doesnt want to go do this. BUT, Im going to ask him again if he will. After all...he is off till thursday
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak, Hey I just saw today that your H has returned home again. I am so happy for you and this defineltly sounds a lot more like a serious move back home (unlike the many times prior).
I know you had your H bounce back and forth a lot like mine did too. But this really sounds so much better for you guys this time.
My H and I have been back for about 2years now and living together again for about 1 and 1/2 yrs. It is good you made him wait a bit before moving back this time.
The reconciliation process is not easy but it is worth it. I still sruggle with completely forgiving him for everything even though I try really hard - I will still have some reserved anger about past situations (now i just deal with them better). And one other thing is to keep reminding your self of the DB rules we learned here as they will keep us focused on our new reconciled paths. I also struggel with trust from time to time. But he has gotten better about reassureing me.
Hope all goes well with your Reconciliation and I am just soooo happy to here of it. TIPPER
Thank you so much Tipper! Your right though, it isnt easy at all. Like today....his attitude sometimes really gets to me. Why must he get an attitude with me about some things? No biggie, but dang!!! lol
Glad to hear your reconcilation is going good. I understand the struggle to completely forgive and also with the trust issue. Today while he was at my place of work, he was behind the building working on something, well I saw some girl that he dated between break ups with me and the OW. She was with her boyfriend....he didnt see her till she left. I saw him staring at her vehicle....after about 5 min he asked me if I just had a customer...I said Nope, but I knew what he was wanting to know. I just didnt say anything about it. But it makes me wonder about trusting him....I still struggle very much with that.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
You know, when they come back, you hope that they have faced all their old issues, such as talking to the coach and manning up and going to the clerk of courts and asking for something. But, I'm sure that they don't face all of their problems. LOL
Does he tell you why he feels the way he does when he does these things? (or rather, doesn't do these things?)
It seems to always be centered around other people's perceptions of him.
MH.....No, he doesnt tell me why he feels the way he does...Im assuming he does tell his therapist though, or at least I hope he does
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
You know, after my H first left me, I was shocked at how many people were actually getting divorces in my community...seemed everyone was splitting up and having affairs...seemed to be the going thing! Still, its all around me. I hate it. I dont understand it....well, I do, but come on people...get some counseling when its starts to get bad, before its over!
I have a few friends going through the same thing. One inparticualur....she works for me. She has asked her H for counseling for the both of them....he refuses, and says she can leave if she wants to, but he isnt leaving and She IS NOT taking the kids with her! She doesnt know what to do and here I am....trying to go on my own experience to help her. I for one, am NOT good on giving advice...thats why I read alot of threads but I dont give much advice.
Im just saying how much I hate divorce...what it does to the kids. Her son is 11 and is SO VERY ANGRY. Disrespectful, hateful....everyday I see this. He treats his mom the way her H treats her. Yesterday he got here....in a GOOD mood, first question was "are we moving out?". His face fell with sadness when she said NO. This child who has so much anger, was in a cheerful mood for the first time in forever....I can only assume it was because he would be getting out of a sitch where his dad disrespects his mom...and therefore he does too just to make his dad happy with him.....?
Hate, just hate what it does to the kids....
Last edited by kissak; 05/12/1003:48 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Well, today I am feeling a little bit unappreciated by my H. Actually I feel it more than a little bit at times.
Lately my H will ask me to do something, and without thinking twice I will do it for him. All I ask for is a "thank you". Well, today I did something for him....I had to close up my shop to run an errand for him that NEEDED to be done ASAP. I didnt want to do it, but I did for him. Closed up my shop...risked losing a sale or 2...but I didnt complain to him about it. All I wanted was a thank you. Didnt get one. He even snapped at me when he called to give me an address that I needed....ugh....how do I approach him without him getting defensive, or him saying "i thought I did thank you"? I do lots of things for him because I want to. Just a thank you is all I want in return. DO I say anything to him about it? or just let it go and know that maybe he is appreciative...just not remembering to say it?
We did go out Saturday night. It was nice. Went to a sports bar and grill with some of my friends. Stayed there till 1am. He of course had alot to drink as did my friends...I was the DD. He got a text while we were there. Told me it was my buddy's girlfriend. I didnt know who he was talking about until he told me who the buddy was....then it took me a few to figure out he was talking about the exOW! He calls her bf my buddy. Why? well because this buddy wanted to date me once...Im in no way interested in this guy...never was...but H likes to do this. Nevermind he was texting the OW...she wanted a paper he had. well, at least he wasnt hiding it from me. She still talks to him when she wants something. ugh
Speaking of the exOW...I went to the store last week, saw her car there and decided I would go to the store the next day...trying to avoid running into her. Well the next day I go to the store, and I run into her anyway! It caught me so off guard that I stuttered at my Son when I was talking to him....I absolutely hate running into her...nothing was said and we pretended NOT to have seen each other.
Also found out my H said that my "buddy" was suggested by me to be his friend on fb....I quickly told him that I hadnt suggested him as a friend to anyone, but i did quickly say that the exOW tried to befriend me on there too and I quickly hit IGNORE!!!
Well, just wanted to get this off my chest....other than that...things seem good I guess...just a few glitches of past behaviours coming out with the unappreciativeness. Wondering how to approach if at all.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
kissak...I see a lot of negative 'karma' here. It doesn't 'feel safe'
Quote:
DO I say anything to him about it? or just let it go and know that maybe he is appreciative...just not remembering to say it?
Of course you do. That's called communication. Why should you bury your feelings. The key, as we all know, is not to attack, but, discuss using phrases like, "I feel pain when"....and not say 'you'.
"I was more than happy to help out this weekend but I feel hurt when it appears that I am not appreciated (or taken for granted)."
Good luck Kissak. Looks like much work still ahead.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I am just curious, I hope you don't mind... but, what is it that made you decide it was OK for your H to come home? Did he ask to come home? Was his personality back to the old H? Did he miss you? Did he not like being on his own? Did he like being on his own? Was it too expensive? Did or does he disrespect you to people? To the children? Did he before and the attitude then changed?
My WH goes back and forth ALOT, and I just wonder how much change you see when they come back, and is the change different this time than previous times, or I don't know what I'm asking!! Any insight if you can say something, would be most gratefully appreciated.
