Much better this morning. Ten years ago I met the love of my life, married & had three beautiful children. There is nothing sad about today--I wouldn't have traded any of this.
I need to start acting as if the man I love is dead and gone. In a way he is.
(and has returned as some crazy-eyed zombie a la "Pet Semetary"--but that's another thread)
I can't sit around wondering if he's ever going to come to his senses. If someone I loved had died, I wouldn't be sitting around wondering when their spirit might make contact with me. I would have to have faith that they loved me, even if they didn't have the chance to say it at the end. I would know that I loved them, and probably always will, but I wouldn't sit around waiting for some sign from the great beyond that they still loved me, too.
I can't sit around waiting on ghosts.
Not the ghost of the man my H used to be. Not the ghost of my former M.
I just can't.
Last night I bought tickets for the two older boys & me for the off Broadway summer production of "Suessical". I made a reservation for our trip to a water park that S8 had won in a raffle at school. It was supposed to be with all of us, but my parents are coming instead. It would have been fun if H had been able to come with us--and we will miss him. But I can't let life stop for any of us because he no longer wants to be in it.
We're not waiting for ghosts.
I have a lot to do today--my father is coming to install pantry shelves, I have furnace filters to change & walls to spackle so I can paint. This weekend I'm working in the landscaping if it's not raining & painting *something* if it is.
I might still miss him, I might still love him, but I'm not waiting for him to come back before I make our life great again.
I have extra putty knives if anyone is bored today.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
