My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[awest1217]

It is all normal and completely normal for a spouse with depression. My H said the same thing. He even signed a paper saying he didn't want any visitation or anything with our S. Your H is just talking about stuff, but to not want to see your S, now that is crazy. This is all attached to his guilt of what he did and his depression. He is probably trying to punish himself by not taking anything.

Also you need to stop asking him how he feels. He really probably doesn't have any clue how he feels. It really is not a line. He at least is telling you he is not happy and wants a D. All I have gotten for over a year is "i don't know". Everything is "i don't know". You say you want to hear how he feels, but when he tells you he is unhappy or that he wants a D, you think it is not true. He is telling you how he feels right now. Yes, that can change, and yes he is not thinking clearly, but for right now he is unhappy and feels he has always been unhappy (although it is just because he is looking through dark glasses), but those are his thoughts right now. You need to work on listening to him and stop projecting your feelings onto him.

I agree he is a dirt bag and may be lying some to you, but I believe he feels guilty and is depressed so he is doing what in his crazy mind is best for you. Is it crazy? Yes, but you need to listen to his feelings and validate. You can postpone signing the papers so that you can buy yourself some time, but in that time listen. Tell him things like I understand you are unhappy right now. Don't use the word but. Just say I understand you are upset. Say things like I am sure that is hard on you. Things like that to show you are listening, but don't say anything else. If he asks about the papers either say you ahve been a little too busy to read them right now, or you are still looking over them, etc. to buy time.