WOW… it’s a year and a half on! I have just found old references to my original posting on my PC and thought I would check in for a re-read.
For those who tried to help with advice back then, I thought I would give an update. At the time I wrote my original request for some help & guidance, I had no idea what was ahead. The woman I knew and loved so much was gone and in her place was this anger fueled narcissistic evil woman. All she wanted to do was sling insults, make ridicules accusations and put the boot in where ever and when ever possible. I thought it would pass and maybe, just maybe, one day the woman I knew would come around and we would talk. Not in my wildest dreams did I ever think it could get worse. IT DID!
Originally, when she moved in, our deal was that I paid the rent and she paid the assorted utility bills. She stuck me with unpaid bills, made wild claims to our landlord that SHE paid the rent (when she didn’t) and things then got ugly over the deposit we both paid 50% of. She wrote nasty accusatory letters to both the landlord & the utility companies (where she had outstanding bills). It just turned into one big mess and I actually had to file a small claims court case against her (suggested by my then p-ed off landlord). For over a year all I received from here were angry narcissistic insulting email and cold demands for money (her half of the rental deposit). Her defence of small claims court case (which was received just a couple of months ago) was 12 pages of angry accusatory self important dribble, where she plays herself up as some sort of victim (?). All I ever did was love the woman and showed her kindness.. and I got that! When I read it I just felt so empty and beaten down. I had over a year of nasty angry stuff from her and not one moment of civility. I just didn’t care anymore. I dropped the case and just let it all go. I’ll never understand any of it (all that anger that is), but I just let it all go. Even though I loved the house we once shared together, I even moved out of there just to be rid. Even up to the end (months ago), the last few emails from her were cold, angry and mean spirited. I just don’t get any of it and I just tired myself out trying to figure out where it (the anger) all comes from and how anyone could stay so angry and just so mean over such a long period of time ... and over what? I still don’t know.
I think the only way, in the end, for me to remain sane is to visualise two separate people; the woman I met, loved & adored and lived with for a year and the angry narcissistic woman who she turned into (or had always been... I just don’t know). I don’t know which or who was the real person. I do (mentally, for my own sake) view the first as having ‘passed away’. Real or not, I didn’t think I was capable of ever loving anyone as much as I did her. She was everything wonderful and great … and there probably isn’t a day that goes by that I won’t think of her and miss her terribly. I will probably feel that way for years to come. But like I say, she has “passed” and is gone now. The positive thing that I take away is that I was discovered just how much I am capable of caring to another person (despite the fact that I am unsure she ever really existed, if that makes any sense).
It’s THAT possibility and ability I will bring to someone else.
