My H was generally happy with my nurturing for 36 years I guess LOL.

But there is a pattern here. 20 years ago when he had his first affair, we were going through tough business times and it was very stressful for about 6 months while trying to keep the business afloat. Lots of my energy and attention went into that...he felt "unloved" and started an affair with a girl that worked for us. I was her boss.

This time it was a little different...his MLC started about 4 years ago when he turned 50. The stresses we had in the family at the time? Nothing that unusual...only in the past 2 years life was more stressful. D16 going through her "stupid year" that diverted lots of my attention from him to her.

I also had a chronic illness that they couldn't diagnose until late last year and after 10 months on medication is now finally resolved...It did effect me and my energy and my ability to enjoy life. I was also going through menopause at the same time and our business was not doing that well in 2009.

So yes, there were lots of things happening at the same time and maybe he didn't get all the attention he was used too and again "didn't feel loved". With him already questioning life and his own mortality, he started to do all the typical MLC things...started to be obsessed with his looks, youthful clothes, vitamins, excessive exercise, wrinkle creams...and he started the affair.

Seems like every time we have a stressful period in our lives he feels "unloved" and goes and finds another woman. The first affair was pretty intense as well, he even moved out for couple of months...she was his soul mate and it lasted a year. He came back and we worked it out, healed it and he settled and everything was great until now.

I only see this in the hindsight, It wasn't that obvious while we were going through it.

I also wish I found the book "5 Love Languages" long time ago. It really opened my eyes to how different people are in expressing love and what is imprtant to you may nor be important to them. You think that you are showing love, but they don't see it, because their love language is different and they respond to a different "show of love". Very, very interesting....

Thank you GAG (((Hugs)))

M53 H54 D17
M33Y T38Y
Bomb OW 09/09
OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10
WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10
Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO