It's been a lot of days since I've been on here. A lot has happened, but not much progress on the R. We've been so busy bouncing from event to event. This is a very busy month for all 4 of us.
We finally got back to MC after a 3 week hiatus. H told the MC that I don't seem to want to work on M because every time he tries to bring up R for discussion I change the subject. I responded as honestly as possible that I don't feel the need to hear him remind me of his feelings. I want to know what we can do from here. This is really hard. At first I was just trying to DB, but I have really come to rely on being able to NOT dwell on what's wrong around here. Acting as if has helped me to seek out what's right and focus on the fun a little more. But, somehow H thinks I am not interested in working on things? What do you all make of this?
We also had a major setback last week. H fell asleep during the day and slept through picking up the kids from school. He called me out of a meeting over a hour after they were to be picked up to see if I could get them! I tried not to freak out, didn't say much, told him to call me back when he had them. When he called back I was very short with him and barely said any words to him when I got home or all through dinner. H later told me that he felt like I was kicking him while he was down! H gets the kids more than I do from school and he has never had any trouble being anywhere when needed. H made a mistake. He was freaking out when he originally called me and it would have been a great 180 to have been so loving and supportive and worried about H at that time, but the boys were abandoned at school for over an hour!!!! This has really set us back. H feels like such a failure and is tortured by the fact that I was not very supportive.
One other major thing happened last week. I got home to find a laptop waiting for me with an index card on top saying "Happy Belated Birthday"! It has really freaked me out because I mentioned on this site that I should have asked for one for my birthday to allow me better access to posting. H works in IT and has refurbished a laptop that was being fazed out at work. Just a creepy coincidence? Am I just paranoid since seeing all the posts about another LBS H getting on here? Is there a keylogger tracking me right now? I have no room in my emotions for paranoia. That would be way too exhausting! Maybe it doesn't even matter. This site has given me amazing support and perspective. H should be glad I am sharing things here and not with in our circles of folks in person.
