SA, Kissak, M&H, CW, SCH & HB - thank you all, you are all great and you help me so much
M&H - Forgiveness is a process...there are many layers to go through...
SCH - thank you...I like the mountain climbing analogy...and it really feels like two steps forward & one step back...thanks to H flip flopping...that sure doesn't help
HB - As I'm working though my emotions I realized that it is a very necessary step to healing and to moving forward. I'm not fighting it...It's OK...I'm letting it go through me
I've examined the range of feelings that I went through over the past two days and after sorting it all out I'm ending up with love...love for my H. It's there strong and unwavering. Despite what he has done and the choices he is making, despite the hurt that he is causing.
I came to a conclusion that it doesn't matter that is not being returned by him in the way I would like it to be right now...My love will last regardless.
Forgiveness...have I forgiven him? Mostly...on my good days LOL...but still working on that one. I know that I'm trying to understand what he is going through and I know the he is in pain also. That doesn't excuse the choices he is making...free will right HB?
I think that the emotional struggle of the past two days was happening to help me clarify where I'm going next.
I've been thinking about WH, his personality and the reactions I get for different actions. He is the type of person that NEEDS to feel loved and accepted and needed...and reassured of it often...at least he used to be. When you give him the cold shoulder he feels rejected and unloved. You could say that he is emotionally needy.
That's why I'm rethinking the "being dark" idea. He is showing me caring and he wants remain in my life (in his own way right now) I'm thinking that I will get further by being there for him emotionally...go back to being his friend. I'm worried that if I cut him off he will turn more towards the OW.
Lots of people on this board have WAS that don't want to have anything to do with them and my guy is still somewhat attached to me...that has to be a good thing...something to nurture...not to kill.
He still texts me daily. Today he "liked" my comment on my Facebook....I know sometimes I feel that he just wants to have it both ways and I feel used. But maybe this is telling me how internally thorn he is and that connection between us is still pretty strong.
If I go back to being friendly I would have to put some more boundaries in so I don't feel used....
Well anyway, these are my thought today....comments or 2x4s are welcome
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
