I started writing about my long term sexless marriage(35+ years) here in 2006. I found the site after reading Michele's book. I will be eternally grateful to Michele for giving me the concept of GAL. I did Get a Life.
My story now has an ending. Not the one most of you want to hear but it is a happy ending.
I told the H back in 1998 he had 10 years to get therapy, see docs, do whatever he needed to do to become a husband to me in every sense of the word. I agreed to go to counseling or do whatever he wanted me to do. I was open to change and willing.
H did exactly nothing and in 2008, I moved cross country alone. H had been telling me for years that no one would ever want me and he was the best I could hope for. I had to find out for myself. I dove into the dating pool and for a while I had to admit he was right. I knew the odds were against me because of my age. But I learned something amazing. Quite a few of the women in my age group were matronly and grandmotherly...by comparison, I was hot. Heady stuff for an old woman who had never been wanted by anyone.
Then I met HIM. A real romantic gentleman. An intellectual. A writer, journalist, radio comedian, and news anchor. Educated and refined. OMG, he even chewed with his mouth closed and had real manners. He even dressed well. And very handsome. A 17yo acquaintance said, "For an old guy, he's really hot.". I learned what it was like to be wanted by a real man. As a friend, lover, and partner. It was an education in love and loving. He taught and I learned. He says I learned well.
He is almost a year younger than me and as of this writing, we are still together and very happy. Will it last? I think so but if I am wrong there will be no regrets on my part. Everyone deserves to be loved and I did without for too long.
My divorce from H will be done this summer. I hope he finds it within himself to change and finds someone he can love. Now I get to be poor but well loved. It's a good trade.
BTW, back in 2006, everyone sort of assumed I was staying for the money with H. Not true. I was the one who made most of the money. I was the one who lost in the divorce. But...MONEY CAN BE REPLACED. I only get one life and I wasted too much of it!
There is life after a sexless marriage. And there is sex after a sexless marriage. A lot of sex. It can happen.
