Understand that she is trying to rationalize all this in her mind much like you are. But she drove the marriage to this fork in the road, so for her this is always going to be about justifying her decision to do so.
You know, sometimes the one we have the most difficulty being honest with is ourselves.
Welcome to the paycheck to paycheck club. I've spent four years as the single parent to a 9th grader who is now a senior. The ex has sent a child support check each month, but trust me when I say that child support just takes a bit of the edge off. I have risen at 3:00 am every morning for the past year and half to run a newspaper route for extra money. In the summer, when school is out, I have worked for the school's technology coordinator, helping him with computer system work at the various buildings.
We do what we have to do to get by.
You will too.
It's tempting to speak in absolutes at this point. Heck, the divorce is done, we are no longer a couple. The fact is that none of us know the future. Rather than seeking to close doors, I find it best to let them close themselves.
Live your life. Be true to who you are as a man, a father, a friend, hell, a human being. Do nothing for effect - let your yes be yes and your no be no. Even in regards to your ex. As I creep nearer and nearer to the half century mark, I have come to realize that burning bridges is a waste of time and effort. Focus your energies on you and your boys. Let happen what happens.
Did I mention be true to yourself?
I'm convinced that divorce is a process that strips us bare. It's painful and embarrassing. But it also brings with it the opportunity for a new change of clothes - a fresh start so to speak. I have chosen to use my new start to bring myself back on track to the man I wanted to be.
Think about it.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I'm convinced that divorce is a process that strips us bare. It's painful and embarrassing. But it also brings with it the opportunity for a new change of clothes - a fresh start so to speak. I have chosen to use my new start to bring myself back on track to the man I wanted to be.
OK Bworl, but the real question remains, did you buy any new clothes?
Geronimo, look into netflix streaming ($5 a month, all you can watch) or Hulu etc for TV entertainment.
We haven't had cable for 3 years and don't really miss it because of Netflix+Roku
For ideas on saving or living on a budget go here savingadvice.com I used to post there a lot as I've always been a saver. That and the forums at fatwallet.com
Yeah the emotional stuff is hard...I'm glad you clarified with your ex your feelings etc. Sure it maybe against DB'ing but at this point who cares. It's important that she knows you were more than fair even in the face of this mess she created so she really has no business complaining. This is what she wanted and you had to comply so tell her not to be a spin doctor (not in those words of course).
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Yeah, she acknowledged tonight that she knows how much I loved her and how affected I've been. Pointed out that I've lost 30 pounds. We talked for awhile tonight, she says that she's barely functioning. Says she really needs to be away from me as she's not bouncing back, and needs to figure out how to stand on her own.
Geronimo, I had a friend whose W got up one morning , said the M was over and left while the poor bugger was lying in bed! He then lost over 30lbs. too, he called it "The Life Devastation Diet" and was thinking of marketing it to that tough to lose weight crowd because "This really works". Have a good day
"Yeah I returned back to the full doses. Still didn't sleep well last night - same symptoms as before, woke at 3:00 and didn't really get back to sleep again. I can't tolerate that."
Geronimo, I hate to harp on the med thing but did you know that the longer you use Xanex the less it will help you. Your body grows accustomed to the dose and you have to increase it or switch to something else. If your sleep doesn't improve talk to the doctor because there are other sleep aids you can take that don't have the addictive qualities of Xanex. There's Trazidone and Seroquil to name a couple that people I know have used. Anyway, just thought I'd pop those into your head. Feel better.
I take the Melatonin supplement once in a while but I've pretty much stopped worrying about my 3-4hr sleep that I get. And the less I worry about it the better I seem to be getting. I wake up several times during the night and the same ole thoughts are haunting me whether I stay awake or snooze in and out.
I have been working out every other day or two, just at home...P90x style (though not exactly) and taking some protein shakes + good multi-vitamins and so far I can carry on with my busy day without feeling physically exhausted (i do but around 9pm and it's time for me to hit the sack anyway).
Quote:
It's just not good all around.
If you're referring to how she's feeling then I hate to say it but I think it *is* good. She needs to feel the consequences of what she's done. You're in no way obligated to help her emotionally or otherwise at this point, she lost that right when she forced you to D her...sorry I'm trying to get you to think about this guilt. She didn't have any remorse when you were in a turmoil, when the kids future was at stake, when she was so sure her life would be better without you. Well this is the day you were both looking forward and how the roles change. She thought things would be rosy the minute after D is finalized. This is what she was looking forward to. Where as you were in pain thinking and worrying about whether you'll survive the D or not and how you'll carry on after it. Well guess what? you're fine, you're stronger than ever, you'll carry on just fine the worst is behind you. Her...well she needs to wake up and see the reality. She needs to feel the devastation she created.
Sorry...my emotions are taking over here because that's how I see my situation ending too. Right now my STBX won't listen to any rhyme or reason because she's so sure of her life 2.0 where as I can see and feel the consequences from here. Like I said elsewhere this is like some one chopping your arm off...we're in excrutiating pain which will eventually subside but damn we'll still have that emotional scar from being crippled and it's even more true for the kids. So please, don't feel guilty or think that now it's somehow your responsibility to make her feel better.
If she's a real caring person underneath she will need to come clean, appologize profusely for her actions and hand you the control back to help fix this mess but until that happens you must seek out your new life with the kids...without her.
I hope you guys hit me with the 4x4s when I'm talking silly like G
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I want a new drug; one that won't make me sick Won't make me crash my car, or feel three feet thick - A new drug that won't hurt my head, won't make my mouth too dry or my eyes too red One that won't make ne nervous, wondering what to do, one that makes me feel like I feel with I'm... NORMAL AND ABLE TO COPE WITHOUT XW
I've identified what it is but none of them return my emails...lol
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I want a new drug; one that won't make me sick Won't make me crash my car, or feel three feet thick - A new drug that won't hurt my head, won't make my mouth too dry or my eyes too red One that won't make ne nervous, wondering what to do, one that makes me feel like I feel with I'm... NORMAL AND ABLE TO COPE WITHOUT XW
OK, ha ha, real post later
Hey, here's a thought on the subject right off the top of my head:
One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small And the ones that mother gives you Don't do anything at all Go ask Alice When she's ten feet tall
And if you go chasing rabbits And you know you're going to fall Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar Has given you the call Call Alice When she was just small
When men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow Go ask Alice I think she'll know
When logic and proportion Have fallen sloppy dead And the White Knight is talking backwards And the Red Queen's "off with her head!" Remember what the dormouse said; "Keep YOUR HEAD"
