Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Hey GM and Gr8.

GM, good to hear you have more MC scheduled. Good that you both are still trying. She's confused...that's a good thing. I'm pulling for you.

No doubt my W's wanting to renew her membership by herself is reflective of her feelings (or lack of) about me. Her actions continue to make this painfully obvious.

I'll check out that book later tonight.

Gr8, maybe she is waiting until the house is sold before she gets her own place. We won't make much (if anything) off the sale of the house though.

Thanks for the support.

Overall my weekend was good. Did many new and fun things. Sunday night it hit me though that I couldn't share any of this with my W. That was tough.

Still remain NC with W. I decided not to email her back about her house question. I would have liked to have asked her some questions about how she feels and guage her reaction but I decided against it. I'm trying very hard to just leave her alone. I even changed my gym schedule. I go much later in the evening now so I don't run into W. I don't want her to feel that I'm crowding her. Some nights I've gone to the gym to work out and see her car and then I leave and come back later after she has left.

I read the 5 Love Languages book. I think my W falls under Acts of Service which would make sense regarding my job, etc. Some of the others could fit too but I think Acts of Service fits best. There is also another book, 5 Languages of Apology. Has anyone read this book? I think an apology to my W would be Making Restituion, showing W through my actions that I am sorry and have changed.

I was thinking of some of the things my W told me when she left. One of the things she said was something I said to her during an argument about a year ago. I honestly don't ever remember saying what she accused me of saying to her. I do remember the argument. We were both extremely stressed. I do remember she said some things to me that hurt me. Later that day she emailed me to apologize. I also apologized, at least I think I did. It obviously hurt her as it as this was one of five things she told me about (our problems) when she left. As I said I don't remember saying what she thought I said but I'm not going to argue with her. I guess my question here is that I would really like to apologize to her and tell her that I know it must have been important to her as it was one of the things she mentioned when she left. I've fixed or am working on the other things she mentioned when she left...the job, the house, saying I was always angry, and that I smother her. Apologizing for my comments in that argument would at least acknowledge her feelings and hurt on this issue.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud. I know the best thing is to just leave her alone but I sure would like to tell her I'm sorry for that argument. Would it make a difference? Probably not but at least she would know that I am sorry for it.

It's been 7 months now she she left and we still have not talked about M. I think my W will just avoid the entire situation and file for D when she is legally able to do so later this year.

I watched MWD video on FB. It's the 5 minute video about WAWs. It was spot on accurate. I would love to send my W that video. No, I'm not going to. The video is so true though. Yes, sometimes it take us men something like this to wake us up. Once we get it through our thick skulls that we need to make changes we do it in spades. We become the person who would be what our Ws are wanting to see. Ahh, just rambling I guess.

Our 20 year anniversary of our first date is next week. Wow, 20 years, where did the time go? Boy we had some fun times together. I'd love to go and do it all over again, even through the tough times. No, I won't be sending more flowers as I did on her birthday. Would be nice to send a simple card and just say thinking of you but I know I can't do that either if I want to remain NC. This sucks.