I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[FindingMyVoice]

now he is texting me saying he did nothing wrong.
am i overreacting? be honest with me please.

Oh Time, you're not in any way overreacting. You're not. You're just not.

[FindingMyVoice]

Can you call your IC? I'm so concerned for you - is there someone there you can call to come over, or go to for some support?

[TimeHeals]

Over reacting? You are reacting. You are angry. It's understandable, but you'll get tired of that too eventually.

Sorry this is happening to you, but I think eventually you won't need our sympathy that often if this keeps up.

[timehealsall]

Definitely not looking for sympathy just for support.

I'm in transit. Will update later.

Hugs to all.

[FindingMyVoice]

Hugs back to you Time, will watch for your update. Hang in there!

[timehealsall]

Soo.. here I go again.. journal time.

Well, I got to S5's game. H cleaned all of his clothing out of the house and decided not to go to S5's game because he was afraid I'd "make a scene," so he had S5 go with my SIL and MIL to the game instead.

He said there was nothing more to talk about. That he couldn't be with me anymore because I'm his biggest problem and he has been all the eliminating problems in his life and now he was eliminating me. (OUCH) He said he'd be there for the kids but that he was done with my b!tching and that he called the girl because he was boiled over that people were talking crap about him and trying to start trouble for him/us while he is trying to keep the family together and hasn't done anything he shouldn't be doing (meaning he hasn't had any contact with OW or been doing anythinglike that).

I spoke to him on/off and then he had a game so I didn't have any contact.. I was devastated. I will admit that I had a near breakdown with his mom there. she has been very supportive of me. I don't know how I could be so strong one second and then completely broken down the next. I hate this.

he then text his mom to ask how the kids were and if she and I were asleep (he spent the night at his dads).

He called me the next afternoon from our house.. He ran errands with the kids.. Things were okay between us. I explained to him how I felt about him calling OW, even if it was just to scream at her and curse her out for trying to stir trouble.. he understood but he just wanted to end that and he had had it with people trying to interfere in our (family) business. I told him that he created this mess and that we should just ignore them.

Friday night was good. He came back home that night..

Saturday was a full day with games and practices. Yesterday the same really.

It's been OK on and off.. there's more to the weekend but I just feel drained.

I feel like he just isn't being fair. He blames me for all of our failures and disappointments. I think he thinks that by getting rid of me, he'd be getting rid of all of his problems.

I also feel like we don't have good communication. He is very short fused with me if I don't understand something, when meanwhile he never communicated to me anything in the first place.

I feel like I just need to step back and just worry about me now and my kids. I need to let him figure this out on his own.

Things I also did were.. He complains about our money and where it's going.. SO, I then set up that all ebills go to HIM, not me and then I added all the other accounts onto the online bill pay with dates and amounts to be paid and he will be handling ALL of that from here on out. That'll eliminate any confusion of what gets paid, how much and how much money is needed. I can't be bothered with that.

Also, I think he is depressed. Before H got into business for himself, he was going to school at night for his masters in phys ed. it was supposed to be his back up plan should his business ever fail. Well, he never finished because the business was thriving.

Now, he has been going to alot of sporting events (he was a big athlete when he was younger and had been offered a number of coaching jobs at one point; hence the masters in phys. ed) and he has run into alot of his former teammates who are now coaching big teams/schools and doing very well. It doesn't help that alot of these former teammates weren't the very best athletes and you can see the sadness in H's eyes when he talks about it (he went to a big game this past weekend and ran into a few; couldn't stop talking about it when he got home). I just feel like he is so sad. like he is unhappy with himself.

Any insight? I know I'm missing a TON of info.

Thanks!

[timehealsall]

Checked intel.. he messaged his friend overseas (the one he was hanging with the last time) and his friend asked H how things were going (family wise). H told him not good. alot of fighting and that H is done with the wife.

I will add that he hasn't contacted me at all today. no emails or phone calls. nothing.

[FindingMyVoice]

I feel like he just isn't being fair. He blames me for all of our failures and disappointments. I think he thinks that by getting rid of me, he'd be getting rid of all of his problems.

That's essentially what it comes to, doesn't it - these incredibly distorted thoughts and perceptions. That's his "biggest problem", not you.

I feel like I just need to step back and just worry about me now and my kids. I need to let him figure this out on his own.

That's a pretty powerful statement. Good for you. I couldn't agree more. I wish I did have some great, lightening bolt of insight for you. But all I can do is offer my support, my encouragement that you stay strong in this powerful assertion that you are most definitely not his problem. And frankly, I don't think he'll ever figure that out until he's on his own. The problems that are causing him to think in this incredibly distorted way, will not go away when you do. Because they're inside of him. They will continue to follow him throughout his life unless he confronts them and deals with them. The only way he has the chance to figure it out, to really 'get it' is to be on his own and see those 'problems' are still there.

Hugs to you Time, thinking good thoughts for you.

[Awoken]

That's a pretty powerful statement. Good for you. I couldn't agree more. I wish I did have some great, lightening bolt of insight for you. But all I can do is offer my support, my encouragement that you stay strong in this powerful assertion that you are most definitely not his problem. And frankly, I don't think he'll ever figure that out until he's on his own. The problems that are causing him to think in this incredibly distorted way, will not go away when you do. Because they're inside of him. They will continue to follow him throughout his life unless he confronts them and deals with them. The only way he has the chance to figure it out, to really 'get it' is to be on his own and see those 'problems' are still there.

This ^^^ is dead on.

Hugs to you, Timehealsall.

[timehealsall]

well, just called to see how the kids are.

We said we needed to sit down and talk. he said he's been doing alot of thinking and he'd rather us go our separate ways now and be friends for the kids. He isn't in love with me. Has alot of hate and resentment towards me and doesn't think he'll ever let go of that. He also thinks I want him to fail.

I'm speechless as always but kept it together.

He also went on to accuse me of perhaps cheating on him and that's why our youngest doesn't look like him and that he wants a swab test. What is wrong with him?

he said he'll move out but quite honestly, I don't want to live there (it's the house he grew up in).. how can I move on with my life by living in HIS house (his mother's).

Need help guys.

I don't know how to proceed with this.