Yes, I think it's more difficult when your H isn't a womanizer. It frames their R in your mind to be a bigger love story...special. That where the "we're soul mates" is professed in a new affair, when in fact, the OP is frequently introduced into your marriage as a way of stabilizing the status quo. It's that add a 3rd leg, so they don't have to deal w/the problems directly, or end the marriage completely. Thought of in this way, the OW is actually being used to keep your connection alive.
She probably is many things you're not. He choose you. It's typical to choose an A partner who's pretty much opposite.
So, she served her purpose & is not needed now. That is why so many A's do not lead to marriage.
You think it's painful to picture them together, knowing they spent time together, choosing to be with her instead of you? Sure it is! The reality though, as BBJ says, is that deciding you can't/don't want to deal with it & ending your M, brings with it plenty of long term pain such as being without your children & missing time with them.
That's the premise of MWD's Divorce Busting, that most problems are solvable. That most people don't anticipate the by-products of D, especially w/children.
It is natural to feel pessimistic in your circumstance. They are your feelings. However, feelings can & do change. That's what got WAS to be WAS most of the time, making decisions based on your feelings at the time.
I totally support you & don't mean take anything away from what you're going thru. Just wanting you to not loose sight of the opportunity you're presented with.
