I felt really bad when I was at the bank too. I apologized to the bank manager that was handling it for me. He said "don't worry about it, this is the 5th divorce I've handled today". It blew my mind; I guess they deal with it all the time.
I suggest you send her a message or text telling her you have separated your finances. And that she will need to pay for her own cell phone now. Keep it simple and polite, all about business. Look at it this way, if she was just a business partner you would inform her of a change like this. That's how you treat this. Do not say anything about the relationship.
Something like, "I thought you should know that in light of the present situation, I have decided to separate our finances. I opened my own account today. Additionally, you will need to pay for your own cell phone."
Prepare for her anger, and do not react. Just say "I understand, but this is what I've decided". Don't continue to talk to her if she is yelling. Stay calm. Be courteous, tell her you can discuss if more when she is calm, but this is what you have decided.
You've got some time before you have to send anything, so wait and see what the others say.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
You didn't do this to get back at her. You did this to make sure you still have financial stability that you need to take care of you and your family.
AGREE WITH THIS. ^ And this is exactly what you tell her (and yes, tell her proactively -- don't want for her to find out). Your position is that you did what you had to do in order to protect yourself and your kids, and because you'd decided that you were no longer willing to financially enable her waywardness/walkawayness in any way. So if that's your position (and it's the correct one), then you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Tell her calmly, matter-of-factly, and business-like. If she is livid (and she probably will be), just say "I understand, you're angry. But I did what I had to do in order to protect myself," and don't waver from that.
I felt really bad when I was at the bank too. I apologized to the bank manager that was handling it for me. He said "don't worry about it, this is the 5th divorce I've handled today". It blew my mind; I guess they deal with it all the time.
I suggest you send her a message or text telling her you have separated your finances. And that she will need to pay for her own cell phone now. Keep it simple and polite, all about business. Look at it this way, if she was just a business partner you would inform her of a change like this. That's how you treat this. Do not say anything about the relationship.
Something like, "I thought you should know that in light of the present situation, I have decided to separate our finances. I opened my own account today. Additionally, you will need to pay for your own cell phone."
Prepare for her anger, and do not react. Just say "I understand, but this is what I've decided". Don't continue to talk to her if she is yelling. Stay calm. Be courteous, tell her you can discuss if more when she is calm, but this is what you have decided.
You've got some time before you have to send anything, so wait and see what the others say.
She came over after I had picked up the boys from school.
I had rang before she came over and asked her to bring some spare clothes for the boys so they can go out and play.
We spoke and I told her that 'the advice that I have been given is to separate our finances and I have already done so.'
She just said 'oh, I hadn't thought about doing that'. She stayed very calm and said that she didn't think it was necessary.
She also said that she had not taken any legal advice, and was surprised that I had - I did not tell her that I hadn't taken legal advice yet.
Overall it was a calm and cordial conversation. At the moment she is doing anything that I ask for and being very helpful.
We both told each other that we did not want to fight each other, and that we would help each other. Both of us said that neither one of us wants to escalate things.
We all played on the Wii for an hour and then she left.
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
We spoke and I told her that 'the advice that I have been given is to separate our finances and I have already done so.'
She just said 'oh, I hadn't thought about doing that'. She stayed very calm and said that she didn't think it was necessary.
I suspect that the specifics of it haven't hit her yet. Does she know you're no longer going to pay for her cellphone? It's very typical for a walkaway or wayward spouse to not have given hardly ANY thought as to the financial and/or legal ramifications of their leaving. I mean like SCARY levels of naivete. I'm guessing this will still hit her, and she will be livid, but sometimes they're not.
I agree that she seems not to have looked at everything.
Perhaps she thought her pain and anger would be fixed by us separating, but I think now she is only coming to terms with things as they are very slowly.
She has been very quick to tell everyone that we have separated, almost showing a pride or relief in the fact we have separated to everyone. Perhaps the reality of it is still to hit her.
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
She just said 'oh, I hadn't thought about doing that'. She stayed very calm and said that she didn't think it was necessary.
She also said that she had not taken any legal advice, and was surprised that I had - I did not tell her that I hadn't taken legal advice yet.
Overall it was a calm and cordial conversation.
Keep it calm and civil.
Like I mentioned before, her plan of moving on and away from you and separating and possibly eventually divorcing you has alot of steps and actions involved, she has only thought of the immediate things: moving out and taking whatever things she needed to accomplish that. You separating the finances will bring the reality of the situation to her.
I would ask her for half of the kids clothes and you both can then work on building up the kid's warddrobes at each end, that way you don't have to swap clothes, exchange laundry, etc.
If she says NO and she might, just tell her OK and leave it at that and then proceed to picking up some clothes for your kids, you're going to have to start replacing things eventually. Start keeping track of expenses as well that are associated with this.
Did you document what was taken? Have you spoken to a lawyer yet? I'm sure you could schedule a free consultation to get some advice on what has happened thus far, ie. her taking alot of furniture and items out of your home without asking you first.
Good idea with asking for half of the boys clothes - I had considered it myself.
Once things have settled down this week, I will look into getting some beds for the boys - they could even have a room each. I have started an inventory of what was taken, boy it is a long list.
But, putting it this way, I have a home, a bed to sleep in, a car, some home electrical's, and my 2 boys whenever I want. I don't need much else.
I also plan to join a gym, and look into decorating my house.
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
It's a good attitude to have, focusing on what you have instead of what you don't have and I like that part about joining a gym and re-decorating the house, maybe some new paint can add some new life to the place.
