I did not initiate this R talk, she did. I have been positive and happy and then she threw the curve ball at me.
I tried to call an attorney today, which she doesn't feel we need because she thinks we'll mutually agree on all of this. There's like 9 million D attorney's in the phone book, and the first on I call can't talk to me because she already has.
When we spoke on the phone I asked her who else she contacted so I knew who to avoid. She told me to sit back and think about this before I do anything. She says I'm just angry and hurt and I don't need to do something unnecessary. WOW!
She's getting prepared for a divorce and taking care of herself but she feels that you don't need to take care of yourself. Maybe she should have sat back and thought about this before she did anything because it only makes sense for you to talk to a lawyer if she has done so already, considering that she's filed for divorce, I would think it would be a necessity at this point.
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She said we can work this out. I asked her what she meant that we could work out, the D conditions or the M? She said both, she said she wanted to try and repair the M, but wanted to keep the D proceedings in place just in case we can't reconcile.
Actions speak louder than words. There is nothing wrong with you being honest, it's hard to trust her considering the legal action she has taken, someone who wants to work on their marriage, doesn't file for divorce first. They file for divorce after attempting to work on the marriage and failing. She's putting the cart before the horse and it doesn't make sense so don't feel bad that she's confusing you. Tell her, "wife, you are confusing me with your actions, you said that you want to work on repairing the marriage but you have filed for divorce already, this does not make sense to me or anyone else I've spoken to. If you want to work on the marriage, put the divorce on hold, there is no stopping you from speaking to your lawyer and getting him to stop what you've done so far. That would convince me that you are serious about working on the marriage otherwise all I can assume is that you are serious about getting a divorce because that is the action you have taken and shown and if that's what you want, I'll respect your wishes and won't stop you from filing and moving on with your life and I'll do the same at my end."
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She said all she's asked for is time and consistency and she doesn't feel we can do that physically living together. I agree 100%, but I told her I never asked her to come home. She made the decision to come back based on the kids. Now she's going to leave them again.
This woman is confusing the crap out of me, and I don't know how much of this I can handle. I'm beginning to sway to the side of undecided.
Time and consistency are things that you BOTH need, not just her, please remember that. Consistency like coming home and then leaving again and then wanting to come home again another time possibly. Respect her wishes to not live at the home, tell her you don't want her to be somewhere she doesn't want to be. As for the lawyer, you just want to protect your interests and prepare for a possible divorce. If a divorce has been filed, you will be served with papers eventually, you will need a lawyer to read the papers and know what to expect. This is the fair and responsible thing to do for you and also for your children.
Her actions thus far don't inspire any trust. When the onus of responsibility is on you for every action and effort in repairing this marriage, you will fail eventually and not because everything is your fault, just because that is a lot of responsibility for one person to shoulder on their own. Every move you make is being scrutinized by your wife, you're under the microscope, did you do this ok today? how about tomorrow? and what happens dare you screw up and possibly fart in her general direction? It's not a good life walking on eggshells around a spouse that is determined to leave you and making sure you are perfect - no one is perfect. You accept that she is not perfect and she should accept that you are not perfect, there is always room for improvement from everyone, including your wife. I just notice that she is dictating every move and every outcome currently in your situation, feeling powerless to do anything will make you frustrated, scared, cornered, unprotected, etc. In that environment even when you do the right thing you will do the wrong thing if you understand what I mean.
This won't be fun.
What changes have you requested her to make? You're allowed to ask. Don't be afraid. I'm sure she has mentioned what you have done wrong and where you have failed in your relationship together. Have you asked her what changes she will be working on?
