Ok, I'm not a doctor, but it does seem to me there might be a connection to your reducing the anti-anxiety med, and you're feeling more anxious... You got divorced what a week or 2 ago? I think it might be wise to think about reducing it in 6 months or so or maybe a year, waiting until your life is more settled and calm. Which it will be.
I'm still on a low dose of ADs and plan to keep up a little longer. I've talked to friends who've divorced, and you tend to think the stress is over after the D, but really there's still some stressful stuff that keeps on happening, adjusting to your life, the kids adjusting, etc. I hope you reconsider that. At least for a little while.
The finances; my strategy is to try to live as simply as possible. I take the kids to the dollar movie theatre rather than the $8 one. I don't eat lunch out every day like most at my office; some of my friends and I bring lunch and eat out maybe a couple times a month, which is healthier and makes it more of a treat when we do. If that didn't work, my plan B was to get a part-time job on the weekends, but don't think that will have to happen, but I'm ready if that ever needs to happen.
Geronimo, Karen may be right, it's too soon to cut back on your Xanex BUT it would be a good thing to do as these kinds of meds are very addictive and can cause withdrawl symptoms if you discontinue suddenly, so don't do that. If you are discontinuing do so slowly and with your doctors and pharmacists advice. In the meantime, have you tried deep breathing exercises, stretching/Yoga, or even brisk walking? Exercise can be an incredible answer to anxiety. It certainly can't hurt!
Hey guys - Yeah I returned back to the full doses. Still didn't sleep well last night - same symptoms as before, woke at 3:00 and didn't really get back to sleep again. I can't tolerate that.
Yeah, I've tried Yoga but can only go every other weekend. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to afford the classes going forward.
I don't know what I was thinking; I bought a replacement TV last month to replace the one XW took; I bought plane tickets to see my family next month, because that IS important, and the boys need to know their family, and I haven't seem them for about a year and a half. But that was a lot of money too.
Cancelled the phone line today. I've got a cell. Going to cancel the Dish. Cutting where I can.
Getting a 2nd job is difficult - my current job is pretty consuming. Generally nights and weekends. I've got to find a way to make this work.
Anyway, talked to XW. Talked to her yesterday and told her my worries; also told her about this incident where I did damage to my car, as I put an old battery in the back to return, and it leaked acid. The 3rd row flip-up seats are ruined. I cleaned it up with bakind soda and lots of water, but that was extremenly frustrating. Most of the time they're flipped down for the cargo area. And yes, I realize that was extremely stupid. So I called XW and talked to her. This morning she told me she was legitmately grieving the relationship, whereas she thinks that I'm fine until I "need" her, confirming her beliefs about the R.
I know. That wasn't a good idea. I'm really missing that partner, the feeling that you're not alone when things go bad. She's not that person anymore and I'm still adjusting.
THere are so many dimensions to this process, and it seems that she points to the things that confirm her perceptions. Of course I've grieved the R. Last week I felt a sense of relief that the papers were signed, and I WAS happy. SHe took that personally.
I really have to adjust to the idea that it doesn't matter. I am in this alone. I don't mean that in a self-pitying way, just that I've got to figure this out on my own.
Anyway, cutting expenses. Got out of the grocery store for less that $40 yesterday. Boys are going to have to eat PB&J for lunch going forward. Turned the water heater down, and set the AC for 82 degrees. I don't have real debt yet, but the reserves are dwindling. It will not be long before I'm living paycheck to paycheck and accumulating debt. So I guess the plan would be to let it build until I can accumulate some stock or get a bonus next Feb.
"I'm really missing that partner, the feeling that you're not alone when things go bad. She's not that person anymore and I'm still adjusting."
It's a tough adjustment! Sometimes I just miss coming home and finding someone else there...uh, come to think of it, even then she wasn't usually there. But I know what you mean, I've got the flu right now and again, just the fact that I'm sitting alone in my apartment with no one to ask "how are you feeling"...uh, come to think of it, she never asked me how I was feeling when I was sick either. Wow, I guess I have absolutely no idea how you're feeling, do I! OK, there's gotta be one time when she was there for me...hmmm. I'll get back to you. Btw, get a Yoga book out of the library, you don't have to be a Yogi to do a few relaxing poses and deep breathing can be done by anyone anywhere, we just have to do it! Hey, I just went to You Tube and they've got beginners Yoga videos or maybe try this, watch past the first sixty seconds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dA_D3yOJJ4
"I'm really missing that partner, the feeling that you're not alone when things go bad. She's not that person anymore and I'm still adjusting."
It's a tough adjustment! Sometimes I just miss coming home and finding someone else there...uh, come to think of it, even then she wasn't usually there. But I know what you mean, I've got the flu right now and again, just the fact that I'm sitting alone in my apartment with no one to ask "how are you feeling"...uh, come to think of it, she never asked me how I was feeling when I was sick either. Wow, I guess I have absolutely no idea how you're feeling, do I! OK, there's gotta be one time when she was there for me...hmmm. I'll get back to you. Btw, get a Yoga book out of the library, you don't have to be a Yogi to do a few relaxing poses and deep breathing can be done by anyone anywhere, we just have to do it! Hey, I just went to You Tube and they've got beginners Yoga videos or maybe try this, watch past the first sixty seconds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dA_D3yOJJ4
Its obviously been a while. Pretty scarey when the bad memories overwelm the good. You been seperated 2.5 yrs too. Wow.
V1 - seems she's constantly seeking validation of her decision. Yeah what she said this morning is that seems I'm confirming that she was just there to make my life easier.
OK, that's her perspective, fine. I just sent her an email, which I know I shouldn't have, but kind of addressed all this, my feelings and what she should know about them. Yes, I know, don't do that. But hell, we've divorced now, what does it matter. Crap, yeah I'm struggling again. That sucker punch materialized after all.
Wii - heh, funny. But yeah I'm sure you do know that feeling. The adjustment is difficult. No more partner to be "in it together". Is that the same as her being there to make things easier for me? Seems an unfair response on her part. But again, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, I'm going to have to figure how to do things in a way that doesn't cost money. Yes, I agree, just a matter of doing it. I have to learn that. How to relax.
I cancelled my Dish a couple years ago also and we are happy without it just using broadcast stations. The kids like the Qubo kids channel. But boy do the Dish people pester you with phone calls trying to get you back.
DLS, it's been awhile but I know people who've been separated and divorced for seven years at least and they still have their times. It's not something any of us will wipe away, never to be thought of again, we just learn to handle those memories better. Btw, last summer when I was ill she actually wanted to drive me to the hospital, leave her work to bring me lunch and did, at dinner, bring me some noodles and congi to eat. Damn, she's more caring now than when we were together but that wouldn't really take much to top, would it!
DLS, it's been awhile but I know people who've been separated and divorced for seven years at least and they still have their times. It's not something any of us will wipe away, never to be thought of again, we just learn to handle those memories better. Btw, last summer when I was ill she actually wanted to drive me to the hospital, leave her work to bring me lunch and did, at dinner, bring me some noodles and congi to eat. Damn, she's more caring now than when we were together but that wouldn't really take much to top, would it!
Isn't it a shame? LOL.
How they got this way, by removing good and kind guestures and replacing them with dirt. They feed us dirt, LOL!
Its obvious at some point in time these ladies felt very good to provide the initial guestures. They obviously felt well-reciprocated for.
In the end, they obviously felt "I don't have to do this" and slowly took things away, while they where taking things away they were justifying themself.
Alost certainly, there was someone in their ear motivating them. If it wasn't someone in their ear, it was their ego jumping at the response from strangers.
One thing that is true, it ain't as exciting when theres no one to cheat on.
You got divorced what a week or 2 ago? I think it might be wise to think about reducing it in 6 months or so or maybe a year, waiting until your life is more settled and calm. Which it will be. 
OK, there's gotta be one time when she was there for me...hmmm. I'll get back to you.