WAH and LBW separated and dark

[theGoodGirl]

While he is pondering what to do.. it gives you the chance to decide how to "react" to what he says.

i have to work on the 'reaction'. actions speak louder than words. i can't always have that 'look' that gets me into trouble.

This is a pretty solid thought. Think about the situation like this. What would you do.. if.. this was just your BFF.. and he/she had all the same issues your H does? Can you see the "Emotional" (You) side of things now? Can you understand why your mind can "hold YOU back"?

yeah. i think so.

Told ya. I understand that some people need to walk thru all the fine details. I get it.. I really do. The issue I have with it is that in doing so.. you are looking for a solution in the wrong place. You are to a point re-enforcing that "they" were the issue. What has happened.. is really not that important.

i think i understand why you filter out the details and zero in on certain things. all along, i kept providing details to see if it would have an effect on your answer. but it's like your fire theme. it doesn't matter sometimes - the solution is still to stop, drop, and roll.

the problem with me is that when i start thinking about the past, i end up going in circles wondering why i can't get out of this mess or why i can't move forward.

To a point the WAS has already put this "stuff" behind them.. so much so.. they "forget" about the good stuff. Walking Away.. is a reaction. It is an Emotional reaction. It is never based in solid.. life changing thought.

john gottman says that when the WAS forgets the good stuff, then there is no hope. another strike against the good girl.

Why? Just because you are more informed now.. what in that changed the "time frame"? You are allowing "this" to overwhelm you. You are creating obstacles for yourself. All of this stuff comes into play when you move to "piecing". You don't need any of this info.. to help you do anything right now. Right now.. we don't want to talk about the R you had with H. You have to get your foot in the door first. We want to talk with the H about how his weekend was.. and hope he answers the questions.

in other words, focus on the 'now'. can't change the past.

man.. I so should have been going the other way. Now I have to walk further.. and it is hot.. now I am sweating. That right there is the "Work".. when you know you made a poor choice and understand you have to change it. As long as you know this new road is the "best" way.. everything will fall into place.

it does feel like i'm walking on hot coals barefoot. it hurts and you wonder what you did. nothing in life comes easy. and often the toughest road has yield the greatest reward.

Lets get some rough drafts up on your statement..

1. hey .. i see you got a hair cut. looks good. how are your folks doing?
2. hey .. how are things? have you heard anything from the doctor about your cardio tests? are you dying? you did say that the marriage was killing you.
3. hey .. how's it going? have you been watching the basketball playoffs? i'm looking forward to the suns/lakers game tonight. the laker feed is always really good in HD.
4. hey .. how's it going? how's the new gf? hope she's not a gold digger like me. look, i know you're cheating on me so don't even pretend you aren't .. f*king bastard! (i don't know if he is cheating on me and all along, there was never someone else but i get these crazy scenarios in my head that anything is possible of course, infidelity is not negotiable. if it were true, i would be asking for half the nuts in the divorce settlement if that was the case. you think the Good Girl was "threatening" to his mother? you ain't seen nothing yet.).

so far .. that's all i got. how do we refine these? i have to remember, the delivery is more important than the words themselves. no eye rolling, no giving 'the look'.

At the end of the day.. it is your post. It is your life. All I can do is try and point out where there is "Drama". Or.. help you create some. I am very good at both. What happens after that.. well that is up to you.

i have to get my head screwed on straight. i hate drama but if it helps to get a reaction, then yeah do it. right now, i feel shut out. there is no crack in the door. maybe it's a good thing. i just have to wait it out a bit.

GG.. get your mind in the game! Focus on that!

You gotta start playing.. to even have a shot at "winning".

stop dwelling on the past. look ahead. at the end of the week, it will be a month of darkness. i've done a lot for myself .. i love my space, i made it my own. i am managing just fine and have been looking out for me. i have not been needy or clingy. i have been independent for a while .. h just didn't know it.

if he could see this, he would want to be with me instead of his parents. there is something very liberating about being in control of your own life.

GG