So many voices, not all saying the same thing. I know it can be confusing here. But the varied voices is also the strength of this board. It's up to YOU to do the thinking and deciphering to find what feels right and holds the potential for meeting your goals.


I understand that pursuit is typically a bad thing. I know for sure that if you have a spouse who is having a relationship with another, you want to give them NO indication that you are still thinking endlessly about them and your life together.


I'm all down with that.


But to this point, you say you have no evidence or reason to believe that your wife is involved in any way with another, right?


To me, that changes things.


If I were truly certain that there was not another relationship going on behind my back, I would not be so hesitant about sharing my honest feelings.


In fact, I would send her an anniversary card. And I would keep it simple inside, but would certainly mention something about still believing in your future together.


Her response to you during your last conversation was interesting. If your telling of the story was accurate, it seems to me that she responded positively to your comments about being stressed and not thinking straight, and to your comments about not wanting to be divorced.


Could this not be a woman who saw a loveless marriage with no prospects for change, and decided to take a stand? And could it not be that your response at that moment didn't exactly fill her with self-doubt, since you sure didn't profess your love for her and your acknowledgement at just how crappy your relationship had become?


Just keep an open mind.


Much of DB'ing is counter intuitive, but not all of it. One of the key principles in my opinion is to "DO WHAT WORKS." If you are receiving positive responses to an approach, keep doing it. If you are not, then stop.


Meanwhile...what are you doing about yourself? This time apart can and should be used by you to rediscover the man you were when the two of you fell in love. What has changed? And keep in mind that you can't stop working, so how do you fix what went wrong in YOU, knowing that the pressures of work are not going to go away?


There's stuff you should be doing blu, and very little of it has to do with her or the mortgage. If you truly hope for a rebuilt and restored marriage, that's going to require a rebuilt and restored YOU.


Blessings,

Bill

Last edited by Bworl; 05/17/10 04:30 PM.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."