There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, "That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You just go do whatever you're going to do because I'm not going to live like this anymore." Don't stay together for the children. Remember, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They're much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure.
Notes : This is NOT suggesting that the separation will be permanent. But McGraw above IS pointing out that keeping her in the home lying and cheating creates an unpleastant environment for these children. The tension between you and your addict wife is likely thicker than a brick right now. Kids should not have to be exposed to that in a room.. they feed off of it.
Further, no one should be talking divorce here. You want her out of the home so she misses the security and her family so much that she agrees to end contact and attend family therapy. Divorce is NOT the goal here, you shouldn't even mention divorce.
But more to my point, Penny Tuppy's eBook that I know you have read suggests she wouldn't be gone long anyhow. Reality will come down on her once she is out the door. She will start missing the security of her home, her kids, and the OM will be expected to provide for her 24 x 7 since you won't be contacting her... that puts a lot of pressure on both of them.
In most cases childlike people addicted to an affair can't handle that pressure and they will want to return home.
THIS is when you tell them they are welcome back WHEN they attend family therapy with you and agree to no contact and full transparency.. FULL transparency.
I wish you the best Ken, just be careful, you are negotiating with an addict, and history has proven this does not end well.
