You're right. I hold out for these phone calls that don't happen, but it's not the call I want... its her. I want my best friend back. I want to erase this last month that has been the hardest of my life.
And you're right - anything I say in an emotional state will just drive her away further.
It's interesting that you mentioned the draft emails - I wrote one the other day that encompassed everything I thought in a mammoth 5 pages that she probably wouldn't read even if I sent it... and it dealt with every issue she's raised. and it says goodbye.... and that's what's killing me. I feel so much like we're at the stage where it's goodbye, and I'm still have trouble acknowledging that she's gone.
I really don't know what I can do from over here.
I went to another dance class tonight - actually, I went to another 2. The first was fantastic and really hard work, and I ache in places I didn't know I had. The second was in my normal style... and it just reminded me of her too much. I think I have to stop doing that kind of dance for the moment. It's not healthy. I just end up focusing on how much I miss her.
I'm glad you're making progress with your H Moon. I hope you guys get to talk more soon. I can't imagine the strength it must take you to wait 10 days to reply! I'm going crazy not replying to emails that she may never send.
I think I need sleep. It's 11:30 and I'm up at 6:30 for more push ups. I just wish my head had an off switch.
I'll hold off on any action involving her... I'm clearly not thinking straight.
Me: 29 H: 25 T:7yrs M:5yrs
Bomb: 23/04/10
Had no idea anything was wrong. Cheated so she could end it without talking.
