Question

[awest1217]

Well...the weekend good and bad

Friday - H came over and we went out to eat. He wanted me to decide where to go, but I really want him to learn to make decisions although I also think through his therapy he has been told to do more for me based on things he has said to me. I said one of two restaurants and then he decided from there. Both serve the same type of food so no problem. THen we went to Walmart because S wanted some matchbox cars. H bought them and gave him the change then asked me if that was ok. I said it is always ok for him to give stuff to S. He said he just didn't want me to feel like he was trying to win him over with things. Then I asked about ice cream. He didn't want any, but got me some. We really enjoyed our time together. Then after we get home, S wanted to play a game so H played with him and went home.

Later I get a text that FIL was throwing a fit because S called H's brother by my brother's name. H said he stood up for us and that he and his dad almost got into a physical altercation. H let me know that it was probably best if S and I didn't go over there sunday and that MIL only invited us because they feel they don't get enough time with S like he is some possession. H was really nice about the whole thing and I asked if we could still hang out and he said probably not because as always "he didn't feel good" We talked some more and I really felt close to him.

Saturday - I go to Chicago and was with all my married friends and my sister who now has a boyfriend...in other words the only one not a couple. I looked at the tall buildings and it reminded me of NYC slightly so I text H how I missed him and how I was reminded of NYC. H and I text a lot throughout the morning and the game. I had fun with my friends, but just felt out of place. Then after the game we were deciding where to eat dinner. Decided ESPN zone...and that is when I lost it. I remembered that in November H took OW to chicago and they went to ESPN zone. I ate, but not much...I told H we were there and he asked if it was nicer than the one we went to in NYC. I said it was and he should already know because he went there with OW. He then didn't talk to me the rest of the night. I felt bad for the snide remark, and apologized, but also let out a lot about my feelings that were bottled up for so long. Then the group walked around chicago and I took some pics of the couples together...more sadness...and the pics I took of the city at night were just like ones that H took when he went. I had to hold back tears the whole night and cried the whole time when I got alone.

Sunday - I didn't feel good. H also doesn't feel well. He finally text back that he was sorry for ruining my weekend and sorry for ignoring my texts about being upset. He said it hurt him what I said. We didn't talk much yesterday and I slept on and off the whole time once S and I got home. I also slept all night. On a good note, S's new bedding made it to my house and he slept in his own bed all night. I fell asleep right away and woke up exhausted.

Right now I feel miserable. I am tired and disoriented. I feel like the room is spinning all the time. I am figuring it is my hormones, but still not a good thing to have. I am taking Friday off this week because my brother is out of town and my sister-in-law works only two days a week and can't take off, but their babysitter can't watch my nephew so I am going to take off to watch him. It makes for a short week this week, but not doing well. Of course H is feeling horrible too so I know he won't help me, and he doesn't understand anyway. I just feel really bad. Plus the memories make me sad. I said something to H about their "romantic" weekend, but he said it wasn't romantic at all and was just one day that they went and came right back. I think I am making their EA bigger than it is, but he still won't come home and he still is choosing a relationship even just a friendship with her over a M with me. I am just really down, not feeling well, and down right blah...