Ali, I was hoping you would post to me today. And Sara and june, flo and anyone that can lend a hand. Cause I am certainly sinking deeper and deeper...
I am making the decision and then... I cant follow through. I am boosting my own ego to think positive thoughts and focus on the good side and then I am spiralling down and I feel so desperately hopeless...
Fact is, my H is no womanizer, as FG calls him, he is a girly man. So, he WAS in love with her deeply, she did touch him in a level that was substantial, he had to fight his love for his kids to follow his love for her. So, I KNOW she wasnt a "light case" of lust or something that can be downgraded...
I dont know exactly why he felt his love for her died. He has told me, back when I found out, that he knew it was over with her and couldnt be with her no matter what would have happened with us.
But what eats me up inside is the past. The facts. It IS the fact that he chose her over me repeatedly, he found something to her that I was missing and probably still am.
All the things they did, before he moved out, were things that involved risk, planning, huge desire and will to be materialised and he did them all. So many trips, seeing her every damn night...
I've started crying again. I want to disappear. I cant believe I am allowing this to make me feel this way. AGAIN?????????
