Lost, If I read you right, this came out of the clear blue sky, right? Everything had been fine before this.
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he isnt moving with us he has so many responsibilities...let him handle it WHY do I put a time limit on EVERYTHING??? ( I hadnt said jack about anything) he is NEVER coming back I will NEVER change
Off the top of my head, it sounds like he is ranting, and still trying to blame you for what is HIS problem. This is STILL all about him, and is normal for MLC, as he is still not out of the tunnel yet.
Pure speculation here, it could ALSO be one of the final tantrums he throws BEFORE he totally breaks...time will tell, for sure.
I had seen/heard things such as this from my husband...the anger still comes out, even as they continue to move forward, and they are the ONLY ones who can work it out within themselves...doesn't make sense, but sometimes they gotta get angry to get better, and it has to come out SOMEWHERE and sometime.
They can go back and forth within the stages before making the BIG decisions regarding family and marriage...and at least he is open about what he's feeling.
My husband was quite a piece of work, throwing tantrums, spewing venom, and always trying to blame ME with his problems that he was trying to work out within himself.
I didn't find out exactly what my husband had going on within his head UNTIL he broke Withdrawal,(all the spewing he'd done was covering up the REAL issues within himself) and I was shocked to find out he'd considered leaving me three times during this time... And even AFTER he'd opened up, I swallowed quite a bit MORE, as this was STILL all about him, and I endured pity parties, sometimes MORE spewing, all the time I validated his feelings...then finding something else for me to do while he continued to spin out like a washer.
All you can do is validate his feelings, listen to him spew when he feels like it, dig deeper for more patience.
You cannot force him to get past his negative feelings, he has to do this himself. You are his wife, therefore still the target of his venom...he's more angry at himself than you, as I believe he DOES see the mistakes he's made that you've listed, but his spewing is generally aimed at you, because he has to blame SOMEBODY; and it looks like he isn't exactly looking within himself just yet.
Don't allow him to bait you, walk away if you need to.
You cannot stop him talking, but you CAN change your reaction to it. A calm response would be; "I'm sorry you feel that way." or "I'm sorry you're having such a bad day." Or, even walk out of the room while he's ranting, and when he wants to know why you're doing that; "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything." And mean it. I've actually said that to my husband before, as later on, I got really tired of hearing him constantly rant and rave..and try to blame me with it.
Once, I let him know I did NOT care if he left or stayed, but if he stayed, he WAS going to respect me.
You know your husband better than I do, and would know what would work, and what wouldn't. Do MORE of what works, less of what doesn't.
All the while taking NOTHING personal...it IS possible that he doesn't like your changes, and is attempting to make you backslide, to further justify his ranting, but, again that is HIS problem, NOT yours.
All you can do, is get on with your life, letting him go, and hope he follows you, Lost.
Sometimes, people have to see the proverbial door closing before they scurry inside...my husband did NOT like the fact I was moving on without him, so he hurried to catch up.
I hope this helps you. Remember, MLC=INSANITY.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
