Thanks for all the encouraging words! Mach and SA....lol at the wood joke! I am trying to not be as "wordy" in my posts and maybe could have done better explaining that one!
NM...I thought about the truck all the way home...I noticed H has installed things to hold bicycles. It seems he and OW must take their bikes to trails and ride. I thought that was pretty bold for him to do that to my truck...then, it got me to thinking that when H and I first started dating, he helped me pick out and pay for a new bicycle...we went to several trails but it was just something I didn't get into. WE had kids and didn't go anymore...just one more thing that tells me he is living in the past.
I know that I need to get the truck back. I am not going to call him but will wait for him to call, find out what he thinks is wrong with mine and go from there. I will set a deadline to have the truck back by the end of this month no matter what as it is due for plates and I don't want him using it to help OW move to her new house.
Long drive home...kids were quiet...too much thinking time!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Sending you assertive vibes CW . I would like to develop better assertiveness skills. Effective female assertiveness looks very different than the male counterpart IMO, and most of us haven't had great role models in that area.
Glad to read that you're continuing to make progress in detaching
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Just sending hugs. Guess I don't have much to say to anyone tonight. Sorry... stinks about the bike rack thing, how bold. Your H is a brat just like mine is. Blah.
CW - look at the bike rack as an "improvement" to the truck. I would thank him for it...LOL.
However it would upset me as well if something was added to my car without asking me first. They just don't think about the impact it has on us when they do things...do they.
You seem strong CW...keep going
(((hugs)))
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I do still have that same bike! It is hanging in the garage...have thought of getting it down! The town I live in has way too many hills and I would whine like a baby if I tried to ride here! Would need to drive somewhere with it so YES, the bike rack would come in handy!
Forgot to mention that H left his XM radio with the truck for us too! Still just shaking my head....
I do have a question....
Has anyone out there taken their kids to see a counselor? My SIL strongly recommended that I do that. Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on that?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I second (or third, fourth, etc) what everyone said about the bike rack. Silly thing he did, but neat improvement for your truck, when you get it back
I looked into C for kids, when everything first happened, and was advised to wait at least 1 year. D was so upset that she was having night-time panic attacks the first few months (due in part to the extreme suddeness and shock and seeing WH just literally bolt out the door with a suitcase and his computer, weird!). They told me that it would take time to settle things down and there could be too much coming into it that need not become an issue, in the time before that. Sort of that you don't want to give weight to things that may never be issues in their lives anyways. They told me, anyways, that it's not until a year or more that whatever conflicts the children internalize, that they will have to find ways as children (or later as adults) to deal with. So to wait. It's true, too, that many of the early day things are now history to them, long forgotten. I guess it depends though on the child, and how they cope. My 2 cents anyways, for what that's worth.
CW - Interesting you are asking about counseling for kids. I just talked to someone who is dealing with a WAW. He went to see a psychologist for himself but also asked him if he should take his kids to see him. The advice of the Psychologist was NO, unless there is an obvious problem that the child needs help with. He is of the opinion that if you bring them to counseling just to talk about the separation, you may magnify the problem for the child to much larger proportions...like opening a can of worms. But that's just an opinion of one Psychologist....
My D16 went to see her school councilor when H moved out. It was her choice.
Hope this helps
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Yes! It does help. My kids haven't really shown any "effects" of this, so far...
After talking with SIL though, all I could think of is someday, when they are older and in a relationship, or when they are turning 30, 40, 50 or whatever, that their Dad, basically abandoning them for OW, would be the "childhood" trauma that causes MLC for THEM!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW - Unfortunately we all know that this will leave some scars on our kids...only our WS think that everything will be fine. So again it's up to us to mitigate the damage and act in the best interest of our kids and hopefully they will learn the right lessons from this that they can apply to their own lives when they are adults.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I am trying to not be as "wordy" in my posts and maybe could have done better explaining that one!