Piano, thanks so much for the encouragement and all the great advice! I've read your thread and you are an amazing woman and a source of inspiration! You you will be a wonderful mother!
Looking at your thread I've come to realize that the possibility of becoming a father might have also contributed to scaring away my H. I had a totally unplanned pregnancy in Nov/Dec which unfortunately ended with early miscarriage. I think I have come to terms with what has happened and decided that it was not meant to be now (I do hope that I will have the chance to be a mother, although I had a panic about infertility last year); but my H might not have processed things in the same way. He always said that he is not ready to be a father and although when we realized we were pregnant he said he was proud of becoming a father, he felt relieved when I miscarried. Gosh, this is so painful to write about!
Yes, I've read DR and will be going to look at it for another round. I also want to read up a bit on depression before I get to see my H face to face.
I've thought about the possibility of OW. I asked him several times, he said now. Same response to question coming in January from MC and from his dad. When I last brought it up in April (telling him that his attempts to prevent me going to his city look suspicious) he told me that "there's nothing that he hides in the apartment, maybe a few cockroaches..." but that he needs "his apartment" to be "his sanctuary". Argh! The whole discussion also led to him telling me the very "flattering" detail that "he is attracted by other women but not by me."
My guess is that he fantasizes about another relationship or might have a crush on someone, but there isn't really a relationship. But of course, there's no way for me to know for sure. I am not that close to his close friends (not that he has that many...). I think I'll be able to asses things better when I am in his town for a month, later this summer.
