Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, last time this happened I was a mess well beyond the 6mo mark. I was sure I'd die of a stroke. I used to wake up from sleep with my heart racing and feeling choked up like I couldn't breathe. I'd cry into the pillows for what felt like hours.

This time, I feel the pain of what it could've been and all the things I did to fix our issues single handidly, of all the things I would've done without question if she'd just asked and then the pain starts turning into anger. What could this M/R have possibly meant to her to just pick up and leave? what kind of a person does this especially after what we've already been through? what kind of person repeats that the best memories she has are from the vacations we took together yet decides to discount all the good memories and only remember the bad ones. what kind of person sees DD's pain and says to themselves she's fine? only a selfish, self-centered and a shallow person. Someone who feels the need to jump from one R to another every few years to feel that initial spark. I've started to realize that's what she is and as much as I still love the person I thought she was the reality is I was idealizing her and that person didn't really exist. Even if she comes back she's capable of doing this again and without notice. It's really sad and heart breaking but it's the truth.

I'd love for her to somehow prove me wrong so I could have my family back but that's probably nothing more than wishful thinking.