The BIG ONE is that I never "went out" when we were together. I was very much a homebody.
Once she left, and I was alone, I had no choice but to venture out and make new friends and try new thing to keep myself from going crazy sitting at home.
I have talked to her about this, and explained that when she left I had NO CHOICE but to do these things... I couldn't just sit home alone and fall apart.
Just let her be mad for right now, alone. If she is interested in the new you she will come around. Definetly tell her to cool the attitude too. Enforce that boundary calmly with confidence.
Last edited by v1olin; 05/13/1011:47 PM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Ignoring her bad behavior toward you is showing her you are passive. That is not only a turn-off to a woman, but it will actually cause her to disrespect you more.
Yes, a WAW is angry b/c her H has waited until she was "done" with the M before he woke up and started making changes. In some cases, the WAW has been unhappy for many years and would talk to her H (of course some do not discuss it)and the H would not take it seriously. Little by little over the years she begins to sink deeper. Then when she is totally shut down and feels that she has to leave the M in order to survive......THEN the H wakes up and over night starts making changes that she wanted to see years ago.
Now all of that was said about a WAW who is not involved in an A. Much of the same thing applies to one who is in an A, but the A speeds up the walk away and of course, it adds many more problems to the stitch.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just remember not to let it build up until you lose your cool. If you blow up at her, then she is in control....not you. Speaking to her in a soft, but very firm voice will make much more impact.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, the camping trip went really well. We had an awesome time and she was really very pleasant the whole weekend.
She was very affectionate towards me the whole weekend, and basically acted as if we were still together. When she got dropped off at her apartment I kinda waived and said goodbye and got a snotty text message 5min later about how it was awkward that I didnt kiss her goodbye.
Not really sure what to do now besides go back to leaving her alone and letting her make any move that is going to be made.
Easier said than done, though. After a few days like that with her it's hard not to get sucked back in.
Our anniversary is tomorrow... Coming off the heels of the nice camping trip I am trtying to decide if I should ignore it completely, or send a short email to acknowledge it.
She did get snippy with me last night, and I told her very plainly, and confidently that if she wanted us to continue talking and seeing each other she needed to stop talking to me that way.
I was very much expecting some serious backlash, and instead she apologized... Twice.
She wants to come over to my place to watch the LOST finale on Sunday. I am hesitant, but leaning towards doing it and cooking us a nice dinner.
I have come close a few times to telling her that I really don't see the point in what we are doing now. The talking and seeing each other, and that I want to move on and find someone who wants to be with me... But I always step back and think if that is the right thing to do. Part of me wants to just say it and get it over with, and part of me wants to continue, for at least a little while, the pleasantness that we have had recently and see if this is possibly the beginning of something.
I'm doing ok though. I know I'll be fine no matter what. I have a date friday night with a cool chick.
Anyone have any advice? On the anniversary thing or anything else?
By all means 2x4 away if you think what I'm doing right now is stupid.
I feel kinda stupid...
But shes acting very different, and its throwing my game off, ya know?
Like I said... part of me is thinking "get away from this asap, because she is not sincere"
and part of me is saying "she is acting quite different, give this a little time and be cool and see what happens"
Her apologizing is good news. It means that standing up to her poor behavior is gaining her respect for you. Just make sure you do it without being a jerk about it. From what I read above it sounds like you did a great job of that.
Now, about the anniversary... I think maybe you should sate it simply, "happy anniversary." She seems like she might be in a place where she would welcome it. Most WAW's want to puke at the thought of ANY form of pursuit from the LBS.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I'm never a jerk and she definitely doesn't puke at anything I do. She is really receptive to me, and I don't know if thats good or bad.
Thats why I get sucked back in.
The thing I am thinking about doing now, depending on how things go over the next small period of time is telling her very plainly, and calmly and confidently that I am starting to think that her and I are just spinning our wheels here, and I have decided that I need to look at other options as far as relationships go because she has made it clear that she no longer wants to be married, and the relationship her and I have now is not doing it for me. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and if she does not want to be with me then I do not see the point in us continuing to see each other.
The timing, tone and whether or not this conversation is even something I should do is what I am pondering.
