So, NM, I really thought about your comment all day. (About needing to see H.) I do enjoy avoiding him, but I need to get ready for contact. Not feeling reckless at all about this, just so you know, but I am just thinking about sending an email to get the 'birth plan' in place. I don't want to send it right away. I want to wait at least a week to see if he contacts me first about the birth. But here's the draft I have:
Hi WH, The baby’s arrival is only 4 weeks away or so. I wanted to talk a bit about your role at this time. I think you know already, I don’t want you in the birthing room. It’s okay with me if you’re at the hospital. That’s completely up to you.
One thing that is important to me is that you see her within the first few days. It’s not necessary to see me.
I’d like for you to be involved with her first few months, maybe weekly, if you would like. I think it’s important for her to have time with you for an hour or so. She won’t do much but sleep, really. I’ve already told your family that they can take her to you. SIL and I also talked about you coming to my apartment because she’s concerned about the driving time. The baby needs to be with me every two hours, so a drive out to SIL's town would really kill your time with her. I’m okay with that, as well, and will probably leave the apartment when/if you come over.
Last, (and here's a paragraph about her name where I tell him she'll have my maiden last name. She and I, I said, will share a last name no matter who I'm married to.)
I am always available by email for any questions you may have.
So, let me know what you guys think! Like I said, I won't send this for at least a week so there's no rush.
Also, about my name, I can either pay to change my name back while I stay married (for about $250) or I can wait for it to be written into the divorce contract. Not sure what will happen, of course, but one way or another, I will make my last name match hers within the year. If WH and I get back together, we will either have different last names, or he can change his name to ours! Same goes for a different future H of mine.
