You have no idea how true that is in my case...Intuition, gut feeling, voice inside...whatever it is...I've allowed myself to listen to it and use it to guide me. It's actually quite amazing. I guess I'm much more "in tune" with myself now then I ever was.
Oh yes, I do know how true it is in your case, Mila. People's feeling/emotions literally "jump" off their words at me.
The Lord had already shown me how strong your intuition is, and that it came from Him.
I'm only here to confirm your direction, when warranted, as He is in control of your situation, but you already know that somewhere within you.
I have nothing today for you...you already have all you need at this time, in the way of instruction, etc.
Continue to wait and watch, stay dark/dim.
You are in my prayers and thoughts.
Later, I gotta ride.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
MH & HB - thank you for your posts and encouragement
Not having a very good weekend. I'm really sad, can't stop thinking about WH and the way he's been treating me, the betrayal....it's not anger or hate...it's just overwhelming sadness. My mind is recycling memories of our life together and new ones keep popping up in my head and I'm just not able to stop them coming. So here I am, working in the garden all by myself and thinking about the past & the present and crying.
I'm sure we all have those days....I haven't been like this for a while. Maybe it's another stage of my grief, making me to process and release the pain and hopefully close some doors so I can move forward.
Well going back to garden work and taking my melancholy with me
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I have been on a crying jag myself lately so I can relate to how hopeless this may feel. Good for you that you're working out some of your frustration in your garden! Exercise often helps me, or a good cry, and being thankful for the good things in my life. Do any of these work for you? What works for you?
One thing that has been helping with my current funk is a 5 CD set called "The Brain in Love" by Daniel Amen. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist who does brain imaging research at the University of California Irvine. He has done a series of PBS specials about brain changes that occur with different types of mental health and physical conditions.
The CD from this set that I have found particularly useful lately is about Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs), in which he describes a technique originally described by Byron Katie. Briefly, when you are depressed about something Dr. Amen recommends that you ask yourself the following 5 questions:
1. Is it true? 2. Are you absolutely 100% sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that the thought is true? 3. How do you feel when you believe that thought? 4. How would you feel without that thought? 5. Finally, ask if the opposite of this negative thought might be true?
For me, the "root" thought that has brought on my unhappiness is that I feel that I will never find the kind of love relationship that I had with my H ever again..........but if I ask myself if I am ABSOLUTELY 100% sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that the thought is true, I have to admit that I cannot say with certainty that is true. HB has said many times that our spouses have free will, but even IF our spouses walk away forever (and we do not know with certainty at this point that that will happen) if we continue to take steps forward in our lives we may find another love, even richer, informed by the lessons we are learning now.
Working through this list may not change the facts of the situation, but it can help to relieve our suffering. I pray for your peace.
Great post, GAG, I'm going to check him out on youtube right now.
Mila, I have nothing for you, just sending hugs. The emotions you are feeling are normal. Don't know if it helps to remember that, and that emotions are fleeting and another will replace the one you're suffering with now.
libby, gag, TG & MH, TF, CW, SA - thank you all for the pep talk and advice, I love you all...the support I get from everyone is phenomenal.
I'm used to the rollercoaster of emotions by now, so I know that tomorrow will be better and if not tomorrow then the day after. I was actually surprised by how I felt and where did it all come from all of a sudden.
In retrospect I'm thinking that it wasn't only sadness that I felt, it was also a little pity party...mixed with resentment towards WH. I have to admit that when I'm really honest with myself.
I felt resentful that here I am, slaving on the garden, taking care of everything...household & business...cooking, cleaning, laundry, taxi service for daughter, while WH is practically having a vacation for the past 10 days with OW. No care in the world, just having good time. Her H told me that she even had the audacity to come to his house while he was gone and exchange cars...left her SUV and took out the sporty convertible for the weekend. Probably had some nice plans with WH.
So here you have it, they got the better of me...Obviously I still have ways to go with detachment.
Got another personal email regarding D lessons...didn't reply, although I will have to because an answer is needed for a third party in this. Also D shared that he texted her asking "How is everything?".
Darnit, enough about him...I'm going to do something nice for me and stop thinking about this mess.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
