Cause for alarm?

[jasper67]

going off of her quote- ask yourself-
"do you want to be w/ someone whom hides their true self?"

My sitch is exactly the same- even down to the possibility of the D being unavoidable...

Some people do indeed change- they choose who they wish to take on into their "new" life.

You can be that person, but it will be W's choice.

She has walls built up- keeping you out. It's sad b/c we know this- my W also has made me to be a monster- sadly, I have even acted the part in my sitch.

How are you? What are you feeling? Are you detached?

I'm glad that you are concerned about W, and I know it's frustrating the W does not seem to care that you are.

The irony in all these sitches is that WAS is going through so much pain- LBS is as well, and would like nothing but to be there for WAS- instead WAS will be open to anyone but LBS.

I hope you're well...from the sounds of it you are detached, just remember to be positive...that is key.

[Allen A]

Poetry... The last resort of the hopeless...

Hang in there OIN... We have all been there...

[OfficerInNeed]

What to do?

Do I confront her about my findings?

Do I start to distance myself and prepare for a separation?

This though, I cannot possibly imagine my W ever wanting to work things out. How can I gain her emotionally when she is emotionally attached to someone else and thinks everything we had/were is a huge mistake??

[OfficerInNeed]

W returned home few min ago. I did not ask her were she went to. I asked if she did get allergy meds and she said she did I replied "That is good, I would hate for you to get sick again" she carried on as if I just said nothing. W would barely look at me and just talked to the dog.

[Allen A]

You have to realize that she may not be mad at you... She's likley still PO'd at OMW...

You need to tough through it OIN... That's how we all cope... keep busy, volunteer work, offer her an inviting place to turn to when she has a bad day.. and wait it out.. patience is a necessity here... It's not an option...

She'll get over OM, but he needs to send a VERY STRONG MESSAGE that he is NOT at ALL interested in her... He's NOT been doing that... I suspect he enjoys her chasing him and has been encouraging it... I don't buy is innocent victim story at all...

[OfficerInNeed]

Yes, my W is made at OMW and those who are keeping an eye on them at work.

W is also made at me for our failed marriage and as she would refer to it as a "mistake"

I am doing my best to cope.

W also has STRONG relationship with her father and what plays in her head is what he told each of us when this all started

"Just look at me and her/your mother, we are both happier now then when we were married"

I can almost guarantee that there is no part of my W at the moment that likes any part of me or our marriage.

She wants OM, not me. She wants a new life, without me. Should I sit back and pretend I don't see these things?

[Allen A]

YES

[Allen A]

You are interpreting her MOOD as her COMMITMENT... STOP it.

[jasper67]

I agree- if you allow these things to take hold, you will appear insecure- that is the last thing you want to be perceived as...

ignore them- after all it is her problem, not yours- you know what you want and what is important to you

[Allen A]

Time for a 2 x 4 OIN.

There are many people on this forum who would GLADly trade places with you... those same people manage to keep fighting each day... you can do it too... these people would be SO HAPPY and confident to be where you are now... you are sitting well...

And Jas is right... your wife WILL feed off your worrying... HOPE is what you want to project.. HOPE for her Marriage... she needs to feel your energy there..