Db not working, MLC spouse pushing D

[foreverhesaid]

Well, if finally happened. On friday when we came home from work, my husband handed me a copy of the preliminary paperwork for divorce. Looks like he is very serious and wants to go through with it.

He had recently had some bloodwork done that showed lots of negative results. A year after we were first married he was diagnosed with a serious disease, something we have been dealing with for 12 years but I think it also contributed to his MLC. He seems pretty convinced that 'he only has a few years left' and doesn't want to be tied down to me and our business.

When I got upset, its like he couldn't understand why on earth I would feel that way. His statement was "you knew this was coming."

Later in the evening when I had calmed down a bit, we started talking. He ran down an amazing list of horrible things that I supposedly did for the past 10 years of our marriage. To hear him talk, its like he never had a happy moment for the last decade. I didn't argue with him, all I did was say either "I remember things differently, or I'm sorry you feel that way." It was so sad that just a few months ago first I was the perfect wife, then he had been unhappy for a few months, then it changed into a few years, and now its the last decade. I am wondering if next time we talk the time will extend right up until our wedding day!

I have no doubt that the OW has been coloring his recollections, as several stories he told had such a negative slant which I no way remember. I can just imagine the OW "you mean your wife never did X? I would have loved to have done X with you, I can't wait to do X with you....."

Do their perceptions change once they have left? I wanted to say to my H, "if I was really so horrible to you I'm surprised you were able to stick it out for 10 years." Of course I didn't, but really marveled at how negative and depressed he seems about our whole past, which until his MLC I thought was wonderful.